
Class __r^L35^^ 



COPi-RIGHT DEPOSm 



J. E. NASH. 







1370 BROADWAY, 

Cor. 37th Street. 
NEW YORK 



THE HIGH COST OF LOVING 



ACT 



§MMUtitHfiftMmttUMm t fft§ tt §UMt0f»HUfK»HtttftHm9 



J 

■J" TBI HTOH OOST OF lO^NO -|" 



A P«ro» In Thr»« Acts 



Bj_ 



PRANK M AND EL 



(Fotmded on th» Cteman) / 



##if'#i#jiy##iiy######iWi ft#j y^#.?^^ ##i ^.^ ^^^ 






JAN 29 1914 



-t" A g T I "I" 



BiMA^ hi 8 Mfe, 

CORA, thertr daughtey» 

gpfTARr HAUSER . BBaMt *B byothet* « Bywr of Hau8er»B»ftn b»er , 

R08By hi a daughter, OouBln of Cora* a. 

AI-BEgT BKAN. QBcm's brother-in-law, 

lAlfftENOS TUCntERf a laayr, 

flOT>yREY BTJRNHAM, of Rt. PquI. 
MATHIIM^ hi a i>it f «. 



WO ST. BtmmiAM. their aon. 



T,BWA, Bald at KH nkalt*. 



gSJElgi All three acta taka plaoa in the h ma of KUnke . 



-I- 



A T X 



-r 



gOEKg t 



JSMBt 



A parlor In th* hon* of ludiiif e Kllnke. W lwaukae , 

Poor THi^t* Pear Oanter large foldirm d oors to 
halltwy t>goltlns* To Loft of door C, & door laadi ng 
to a oloeet, roor left leaaing to library, THglit 



Hrat a tloor leading to a pcrOh and then out into 
rarcl» Roon furnished, aa would baooma a wall' 
But furnltura and drapariaa in 



aide 

to^do loarehant, 

poor taste and a jar of oolors, anoh as mlgtit be 
seteoted ty e Qeraan lyonan vi th more mo nay th an 

Abcat foi ir in the afternoon* 



At rlee emp ty atane* 

COHAt 
(Plteka tn frc«a door R, oautlously. runs to G, nn^ calls) 
Lena/ 



Well, Mlsffl rjora/ 



I CIA! 



1lhere*8 Mamma ? 



CJOnAl 



lEIfAl 
Out In the kl tohan, burning the pin feathers off a oM oken. 
Shell T oall herf 



OORAi 
No, r\%r^r tidncl, Lena. 

(As soon as I SNA exlta. rrmA runs to telephone) 
Hello^ I want 1328 Blue. — Yes — yea, lawrenoe Tuoker, Core 

Kllnke. lawrenoe. Thank youj llhat? But T oanH over the 

phone No, no. You tW nk ao beqause yesterday you were so 

fresh,. ...What? T,..T'm very angry with you. • .Yes. • .1 wonH 
have anything more to dc^th you. Hah? 



( She in_it!^n^-^^-^LJ'^^*^ graduall y oyttrapreada her f>o» ) 

Oh7l«»«r«no« lanWdn — d«ar h«*rt. At tw«lv« o*3look tod^y? 

At three o'olook? Y*s,, ..,!?eh! nd the band stand In th« i^ark, 
Ko - T won*t - no, fSrat you mu^t ppbnise to behftve** Wiat? 
You oan»t ? You ought to be ashanad of ycuroelf,* But T «an*t 

talk to you any longer — mother id 11 be hera any ••••• 

( goRA tume and eeea g^MA, who entere n., mt the euet "bmd 
stand*, BMMA remains up atage, 11 atena wltn growing araagemcn t ) 



Copa,» ^0 ^re you talkl ns to, rjora? 



C50RAI 
Bi* - er •> oouain ^oualn ??oale. 



Ihy ffld you tell her she ought to be aahaned of herself? 

OORAl 
well, er — or — ahe wanted me to steal out, and take a 
plrvate lesson In T«ir»k.»y Trotting. 

f Takes up the ^i^hoge) 
That's all rl-ht, RojS ». T oan't talk to you any lorrjer now, 
you unceratand, don H you SiiMjfi? 



mocAi 

( Sngyj ot oualy. ) 
So sweet 9 It •• kl n»ier funny — It *n kinder funny. 



(Tnjure d Innooenoe ) , ^ «. ^ * 

Oh, raeraina — maiama, you thlnJ; your little baby would Hb to, 
( tatA enters H, ) 



LEffAi 
Miss T?o ale is oal ling, , , ^\ 

(BMMA glwes one g asp, thgn^snatohea i>^one out^ of , j^o ra a hana; 
(tBHA exits 0, a» RQ Pig enters, and H stena suri-Tl sed)^ 



It 

(In phon») 

Tee yes, I'm het^ »tS 11/ TOiat? At three ©•olook in the 

park — oh, behS nC t.Ji9 b<3nd standi 

(Oives Oora an gmgry look) 
J»ll be there.* ?7hat? a Was? 

(In her own voiee) 
How dere you, sdr/ My husb»ind will 

(Hangg up ) 
??oandal/ — ?=seandal/ !=Jhould eoiae to ne — Preojdent of the 
Ko there* Purity league. 



OOT?Al 
VanffaaJ 



£MMAt 
Iho 1 8 thl 8 ao?«lT?ag? 



OORAf 
f Angrily) 
we 1 an 't a soalawag — 1t*s T awrenoe Tuoker, 



BMHAS 

That fellowj A soori-^or-nothi ng, a lawyer and a loafer,* 

CTT?ltat^nf; Cote's vol oe ) 
She wouldn't d«»noe the Turkey ^alta — no she wouldn't drxnce the 

Turkey Roolo, what do you think by a girl ^at tella her 

Mamraa fibs? 



RO«?Et 
ftHmnft Oora a friendly no d) 
Oh Cora, how oould you/ 



EfiS'At 
Got to get this broken ch?^lr fixed,' 

(3he angrily shovea It over to extreme I,) 
Papa'll hear of this — that's all,' Pgpa'll hear of this/ 



C50R.AJ 
T"on 't laugh like a allly. Tt 'a all ycur fault , 



4 . 
ROB El 

-i^jr fatat t 



Ihy m th« world did you firop In, - Juat as T told nether T waa 
ttlophoning you ? 

(51ttin>^. <ilgoona ol«tely on a dttea) 
Oh» RoBle, lt»e horrid - airfta/ Mamma won *t imke up and pmUs* 
that I'm futl of rod blotd — that I'm eighteen and ALIVE. 8h«*d 
Uko to wrep mo up In -rapj^or balls and store rae away m a oloaet* 



It's all that ol'd^urity League ."^i^ 's dragged Para In — and 
Unole Bean la •etfretasy, they're stlddns their no sea Into 
•v.>r:;o'ne'a huedri&sc, T^\e whole town 18 aoared. .^nd of oourae 
at hora© — • they rauat set an example, 

(Polntins to pj^on e) 
Oora, who la he? 



OCmAt ; 

( Oorapletij ohange » in a voloe of rapture, !>ryl ng hnv tea ra) 
H«*s a lawyer -* a Voioe ma deep a« the Atlantic - six foot, \ 

dreaaes like Broadway, eyea th^t. shine like auto lamps, i 

_( Starting tov?dsM door 0,) . i 

It'o «o romantic. I aneak behind the band stand, close ray eyes, i 
stretcli out lay artos, oreep on, ealUns: "Leiuri e, donr Laur! a,»" j 

(SPWAir^ HAUBER entera H, ami almost rune Into Oora ^s open arras ) j 
Oh, it ♦s you, Unole EclvrerdJ i 

i 

Yea, child, ,,, .but I don't remember anyone ever called ne *LMr<*je^ 
before. 



OORAJ 
Uncle » that waa $uBt, ... * 



ETWAT^Tj 
Iho 1 3 this &Slster L^^url e? 



H0?5Et 
Papa, !»he raeans "Old Lawrence*, 



5. 
lOSSt 
Ovof old aoadhman, you know Popsle* 

(Running her handa tIi *»QUgb v^ k pa A» tA-A akay) 
Eh, Pop3l»i 



Roaie, whentTWc^ou "PopsfJ «" rne, t know you*r« telling a fit>, 
Cora, yo«P roother'd T^etter* . ♦ .. • 
(gp.ter E ?rA ■ .) 



BMMAt 
Oh, EdimrHli You oome in the rd ok of time/ 

(TcCor&) 
(10 to your rooa at onoe« 

fOORA and HOSE all u out R.) 



BDWARr'j 
lh«t doea Cora mean, oallt n!;^ me "LauH e, dear Lsurlo/*? 
imould ycu please infoyro me, if you know who this I?!t?reno6 is? 



f^a, he*s« Sh,* 

(f^he goes to door R» » euddenly opens it and ffln'^s the t wo 

K irls yl th their ears to the door ) 
Core, up In your rooni 

(SI ana door ) 
Oh, Sdward* Kd-*ardjf Hhit sre our young girls corning to theee 
days? I - preaddent of the !To there* Purity League - njy 
daughter, behind my back has been meeting some soalawag - 
Lawrenoe Tueksr, 



l&iat/ That fellow haa the aud«(M ty to. 



ISVIMAS 

Meet Oora 'behind the band a tend. • ...Yes* 



EI>WAT!?8 
llo thing Sttpprl SM nej ^ yoar ago when he ran for 0! ty 
Magifttrats, the te«gi.e took him up - investigated him. T vssd 
orer the report* 



8. 
WSAAt 

Well? 



Ihroe times T r«2d it ovei% 



(Horr1f?od) 
Is It us 8ha«''.cful ac all that? 



If T rerneraber right, our brother-in-law Albert waa ohfldlrm^n of 
the «oranrttt«e, "e's r. w nderf ul 1 nveatl gator, Bosi ^e» eyes 
he nR « noeo — honestly, - fj v« ml leg off he oan atmell soendal* 
(Bnter ATBR^T BEAff H. . « em ail , iftirt wiled laan of about fifty ) 



ALBFT?T| 
ISBna — Hello Edward, 



Albs^'t, 



AL3Er?T: 

Awfully ;23ia. to sea you. Now r»»ll h9ve It out, !Te Is.. ••yes 

!l6»3 the father of triplets. 



TUfln't T tell you so? 



I ouspocted at onoe frorii the Ukeneas, Th« raan has been 
raarrledi fru- ye'>rs and hae fieven children. 



Hhaf - laisrrdnoa Tucker ? 



AIJS£3?T| 
Ood forWd,' The beer wagon Cnfwi> — Jenkins, 



Ah, 



SDVARDi 
thst •« another natter for tha momant 



*r. 



Hera w« are, Tn 1903 



You ware talking about T^wrenoa Tucker. 

(Icoka I n in a pooket ) 
Valt a noment« 

(Tff!;es out a 11 ttla boo k) 
One B ore ant* 

(T-coka thro ug h book) 
P-Q-R-J5-T — •J' — T — Tuakar . 
an affair wl th a wixj tr*»?!8, 

(ErWAR!> nttdaas tt m a" B8ffi<A *s ayaa vrldd open) 
In 1904 leva affMr yA th the daugJitar of hS a landlady. 

(E^^AT?? looka over Albar t«3 ehoul d er » BMMA aatohea Ma eyeK 
1905 - aana with the daughter of another landlady* 

(ET>^ART> aiattb laai *Ky God/* gM!4A drops in a ohal r Ilka a «hoj»k) 
1908 - the aaraa with tha landlady haraalf. 

{apWARl? f lopa In a oh air. gj?u au mblin g) 
1907 to 1909 - soen travail ng with a mHUner. 

(E??rAR^*a and E^P-A*;* araw meet) 
1910 ~ Jfnvnrv an sff i«>1 r «1 tp. si dancer. The July folloi*5 n:^ with a 
music h«ll 31 n^er, Tn October wS th s trapege arti st — in 1911, ,. 
ha rested -- 1?>1? nothlnn fepri^rkfibla. Tn 1913 — ah, hare it la -* 
1 a aaen openly w5 th th^ dau^itor of a good fanrt ly nn& naeta her 
bahl nd the band atand. 



E^S^'At 
(ghookad. Rjamg) 
Va know that already « 



ALBsRTj 



You know 1 1? Who? 



Hf Oora. 



nmAi 



AIBEPTj 
Zmpoaalblei What does Kli nke aay? 



ar'A: 1 

lHy huribsind? Thrat pi eoo of ^vood** Hie head la fUled with muatard. 

(ATX laug h) 
I have to take care of the «diola family. Co every tM ng. Well, 
T»va auooaeded. lia»ll have no more trouble with Cora. 



inwiiRCi 



EMMA I 
last »uGHn«i» 1 n Ha<^ n Sprl ns» T net Mrs • Oodfray Buwiham - a 
lovaly vomimi Bduoated, you oan*t imagine all aha knows about 
•ooking -• aoooapli Bhttd, thit ffoman understands three Mnds of 
•abroidsry and flva different h«h-stltohes — and a brain ,t 
n^rev saw no one what oould remsmbar so muoh gossip — a 
talker. If T nl ve you niy word there wasn't room on the poroh 
when She started to talk soandal* 



A7,BSRTi 
Kot the Bumharas tram «?t, Paul? 



Tlia Sana, Uf luok — she ha^ a son, Noel« He was bom on 

CJhri etreas day, so they called Msa Noel» For ar:orth1n53 that's alive 
that boy's got no interest. But latin, Greek, Egyptian, 
Babylon! an — he knows more about dead thl ngs thstn an mi«^0rtaker« 



ATBSRTi 
And Ocra loves hin? 



WMAt 

la hasn't seen ItIbi. T saw him - that's plenty,'.* "^^ two mothers 

1? ^long fine* I gave her ray r^iai pe for noodles • and aiie showed 

I how to make apple dumplings without waatlns cvea tho peelings. 



But he's not In St. Paul? 



Qa!Af 
Leave it to meto fix It nl oe, ?;oel cornea h9ve tc be at tue 
unlrerslty. So I told his niararaa he Elxoulc! room anc' tuard y^th us. 
If he raam es my Cora T charge mm nc rent — If he don 't marry 
h9v, costs him forty dollars a raonth, ^o T oan*t lose either way. 
(AH lau pj-t) 
( lUTWIQlUNKE enters TUaht ^rst, 're l a about fifty years o ld, 
a good natitred. easy going Qornru;, talT^ thin» ggrn os~ a 
letter In hi s hand) 



9* 

KIINKSI 
( Jo4 Tni n s th» laughtttp) 
You rofomora — I dldn H know thare waa a lnugh left in your 

bt-nea* 



tDlWRDl 
Oood day, Ludwl 3» 



ALBERT I 
My d©»r broth©i>4n*lawr.* 



KIIIIKEt 
You h«re too? All throe reforraera^ 

(The y walk away w^th an an^ t^Vf ^HthJ*) 
Say, h9ve a ol gar and ohaar up* 



Ha/ Thet fallcw» ''y owi husband - ha don H o^ro fo- the city 
for morals — he entn, drinks, an'' sleeps vlth rauatard • 



KUNKEf 
8««athaart — not lauatard 

(A aide) 
lea. 



V4lUt 
You/ The blss*®* anaray the leag'jie haa sot « 



(yn Slh t anad at hi a wife, but anMoua to have It o ut) 
Vail, irtiy put on your glaasaa «nd go back tan, tre.it", d^rty 
yaara In a man's H ftt? 

(Poln ti ns t o Albert ) 
Ain *t every cow bean a oalf 

'T3klns Ms wlf>i*8 hand ) 
Every old hen was onoa a broiler — and lt«5 natural ^ eivary aaa 
waa cnoe a bcy« 



fsmM 
ludwi s** 



10. 



KUNKBl 
I in«3n er — 



BMP"? At 
tudtil sii 



Kii^n-tEt 
(M jklnr, saint* aL_»yA«I 
Br — er •• well — er — me • Baina darling, mo — but whet T 
say 18 — when you want to Investlsate «o fearful — invvttlgate 
your own selvea; go digging in your own graveyards. 



Ludwls» that's thfe first article in our constitution. ^e 
Investigate every one - exeat it our own nenbera. 



lhat*8 that? Ihat's that?? 



ATBERTi 
A eertifieata of raemborahlp Is a raoral guarantee, '?'« nevar 
Investigate our bt»o theirs. 



KlI?TKEf 
(Clearing his thr oat) 
Huhn«f Huh'n.' that costs it — auoh a life raambershl p? 



mm At 

(R iled with hope) 
Hve hundred dollars. Lu<l^ g? 



KUmEt 
tveetheart «* for your aake. 

(Valla ng eercss- greatl y rell bved) 
Does feel a whole lot bettsr to be & nenber. 



(la sal nrt hi n ) 
Suoh a good fellor -- ami -Hhen you ocme In you looked worried 
bad humor. 



11. 

KU NKEt 

B«d humox*.* j 

( Showo her • paper) j 

Another deotslon In the Artouokle case • It*a been two yeat»8 | 

now ainoe that «u|t over five hundred tone of mustard* i 



AIBEHTf 
Ihat'e the natter? 



Art)uokle aaid It waa not stronis •tiousfu -'y rouatsrd not strong ] 

•nought He^s got another lawyer , Suoh a fresh fellow - a young ^ 
riirlmp* \ 



AISBRTi 
You 're a rotten bad buslneQS man^ 



U% — T know more in my little finger. 



AIBERTt 
IRiat you don *t know about buatness« People ta^e sdvantage of 
you# 



And ycu ? T show you sott^ day. T rshow you/ .« rotton business 
oan** 



aaiAt 

How brother-ln-laws - don *t qi^arrel* rt^n't y«:.u ocmprond »e, 
Kllnke? 



XUNKBi 
I*we tried. This VMnAns ^ telephoned to the "shr! mf *• T 
said, •Man alive, be son»ll>le,* ^y t'l^^ tlTn«> the c^jsje is over, the 
mustard will be worthle»ss - all dried up." And yon kncr what 
he told oe, - 'TTou can make Insect potrder out of it," 



12/ 



SMAl 

Uf dear tudul s$ oan yon apare m« a moment? 

(Sareaatl oally) 
Flor a ttattejp that doee do as not oonoatm austardT 



KLIWKEt 
How Ebma, QaraaJ 



Ctora.* BaWnd our backs «h«*s started fll rt-l ng with « jentlaraan 
irtxat d*you aay to that? 



KLTNKKt 

(Proudly) 



Utmi lf*M»t baby alwaye did takor aft or her papa. 

ludwl 8«* 

KIINKEf 
( Aeg!n hunbly) 
Wall no^', iSrama, she's M ^hteen, '^an't kaep "^cre «1 wys in cold 
etcra^ » got to r.«rry scae '"f-y. 



So? OJrls are like e^se — whan yon don 't keap 'am In cold 
■torage, 30 rotten. 



KIJKKEi 
That's ma tide of the question, ?ut Etena, it '? * n^ aarn© with 
girls as \t is with mustard. ??hen they're dried up, nobody 
wants them any more, 
(Taking; hev hand } 
You know, Bnjraa, trtien you're gplng to ll we a H f a •»! th somebody. 
It 's « It 'a kinder nice to lowe 'er^ s li ttla . 



towe? Ti dn't your mother tell YT^tl to marry 'TE? Wdn't you go 
end obey your mother? 



KlIIIKEl 
Vell» T was suoh a damn ob«<!ittnt son • 

Lndvlgi T1<Jn 't you ranrny, eftsf Jcnotrtng mo only two dayat 



teffiw, bofor© T nsrrl eel, 7 fH(3n*t know you «t all, 

(Pauss) 
It was all right in th« ol<? oountr7',,#«*t>iit an Anori o»n gi?*l«# 



B4MAt 
You ra«an to saytf you wat^ to raa«vy again^ you wouldn't pi ok mo ? 



Voll - well - W0II9 what '8 t}i© uao, * all this argd ng^ Ohanoos 
• follow nowor sots/ 

(SootMnsly) 
If our little baby lowos Mm? ^%o 1 s 1 tt 



Lawrenoa Tuok«r# 



Hhat? Hot 



You know hint 



EMFj9j 



KITNKP:* 



AlBBRTt 



KiTNKEt 
That follow,* That's the lawyer ^JirlapJ^ 



E!^As 
ttdn't T tell you so? 



KUNKEt 
Half the trouble In ny U fe that fellow has brought n^ • Wn.en 
my store binmod ho was the l<5wyer for the Inauranoe oompmny* 
last year, the f^emoerata winter! no to rua-for alderraan, • the 
honor of my life, and such an advert! seT^ent fo* my rtii>«tir<^ - that 
fellow's woto knookod rae out • 



14 . 
BIUAI 

DldnH I tell you •©? 



KUNKE: 
B« w«t thd de'Vll* t*xat so* *!»• P^"^ ''ood people after n» - bo T 
•iin*t put no BOT»e flour In ray mustartlU 



Hdn't T tell you sot 



Don H always eey that to me.»»* That fellow - he ehouia only 

dare to •—- • 

( OO HA haa entered , follcire d by R03S, on the cue; 'That fellow * • 
3he rushes to her father and puts her eras around hlm~l " 



(xmAt 

PapaJI Oh, Papai 



KumEt 

to^ a man what took the profit out of »u«tard ? love a man 
fthat would take the shirt off of papa's back? 



It *s only that mwane ••. 



KUNKEi 
te«ve ne alone/ For the first time !n her life, your trsprwa is 



I EN A I 
( Sn-er!n ^ "R^ anti anm3Wtaing>) 
Mr. Tleddmeyer • 



But papa, - only listen .. 



laiiwai 

Now don *t argue* BonH argue. Just like your taemr.a, always 
w-inta the last wcdrd. You tell that shrimp, if T aln 't good eno 
to be one of the olty fathers, then T ain 't ^ood enou^!! to be 
Ms father. 



15« 
(KTJNKB followa LENA off » » nVm go^a 0» « 

[1IKE I«) 



You h««vd that? The '^'^^ter is settled once, goer' nnri for all • 



OCR A: 
And T w«8 so happy. 



ETWAHn 

(H old n? up hi a ha t) 
Rosla, - don H gat any f ool* «h notions from that pjvl, 

(Orcsslns to tha oi ®>r box ) 
Thasa oigars, T wonder If thay 'ra Tn«id© in olaan» sanitary 
faotoriaa* I'll taka a faw along and Investi rrata , 



ALBSRTi 
Ooodby©, frt star, 

(Alac golnt!; to ol gar box ) 
I don*t always take hJ a jud^^ant* I'll Inveotlga^s « f«w myaalf. 

(Bothe^tO,) 



WMAl 

( To Cora) 
How I want a faw words wlth.yotu 

ROSFi 
Am T 1 n tha wajr? 



IM»/Al 

No» daar Ho«ia, stay hatfa and laam a littla sensa « 

( To Cora) 
Ihat ha]?paned today has raada papa »n6 ma feel that Oora, you 'ra 
battar off raarrl ad. How there's a yotjng n-^n from ^t • Paul - 
Noel Bumhaia - ha *s suoh a nl 09, gooO, sw-^at boy • 



OOT?A| 
Yaa, I've mat that ki nfl. 



ElJMAs 
ma mother would like to sea hJm marH ad, ?»o, dear! «, ali»ay8 
lookiiis out for your good, T told lioal ha could stop with us» 






16. 
OORAi 



X think he's ooraJng today. Now, not another wort^i If you 'r* 
80 ora«y to fall in lovo — thera^s a nan j allow you to fall in 
loY« aith. 
( E3» tl ng R. ) 

M<^ir, not anotheap word. 



(WtiO haa fottflht baok har taar a) 
Rocfta.* Rosa at *J^*y ''*• going *o atuff na down aoraa raan's throat. 



R03EI 
W«ll, now wait. Have a look firat. Ha nay be better than ha 
sounrla. 



A man whoV3 let Ms mother dictate whom ha should nar^. 



R05;Sl 
But ycia* mother ^)!^y Mm. 



CKBAi 
UoKna'a ohol oe — manna's tanta,* look at that green draas «4 th 
yellow rSbtona. 'Hiatus raother'a taste.' Yellow an*^, !^eenm 



R0!=5E| 
But she said ha*** a mae, good, sweet boy . 



OGRAj 
Instead of blood, he'll have Mellln'a food In Ma velna. I'd 
rather narry a husband who 'd beat me on Monday, Wednesday and 
Friday, 1 f he aould really love me on Tuesday, Thursday and 
Saturday. 



17. 

RO«JB| 
You ought to go like T tTld to a fortune teller. ?^a«arae C^jeiroa 
teye T '11 be very happy If I mwry a blond man » And Oon, T 
low blonds * And she eald he^a solng to be a deep student, a 
great aoholar* 



OORAl 
Oh brainy nen - they're auoh a nul eanoe*? 



RO??Ei 
And I — T lore a man with glasaea and a hl{^ forehead and., 

(y ^udt^Qnly atopa short «» s^ap a ) 
Cora - Cora.* Oh^i Cora/ 



OORAt 
Ihat 1 s It? 



R03EI 
1 asked f^ftdarae Chelros his name. She said the first letter 
was Np the second - — - 



OORAs 
Yesf 



ROf'Ej 
Then she stopped — OTine out of her tranee. ?^ell ? '^oll? 
T)on vt you sset 



CORA J 
N - 0, N-0 - Wonaan? 



It could be Noel. 

( A: .THQ rnr TI SD £?.!EYER ^ a good natured old S^ntl waagi, of abou^ sixty 

who looks like Santa 01 aus, enters left with ~ia:jHKl) 



TI85D0.fgyERj 
Ihy Bose, niiat^'s the exottement? 



ROfJEf 
I want to look In tlie aiotionary mnd see hew many naiaes b«gln 

Id th N - 

(St arta to exit with OORA, Rlg^t lat ) 



KIINKEi 

(fho hae PfOtten hd s long pipe ) 
All Ught. Oora • Core, run along and lea^ ne alone with your 
unole* 

(XITWKB watohes then? off and oloaea the door) 



lhat'8 the matter, ludwig? So mysterlouaf 



8u«h** A aeerat. f^lt down* Hare a oigar. Hedemayer, this la 
Maaom 0* 
(They alt) 



TlSrG4B7Eni 
Tou get ine ourioua* 



KUNKEl 
(malnR) 
9ee If anyone lain the next room? 



TTSt'EJ/EYS?: 
(Opene door 7. «, looka out ) 
HOp nobody thera* 



KUNKEt 
(looking out door R,) 
Nor here. You know ^llleis "^efm, the attorney ♦hat had In his 
handa, all my buslneas* Is dead* 



Tea. Ihey aay young Keppel haa taken orer hi a praetl ee. 



KUinCEi 
And you fjee Kepple and ny wife are distant "'y related — a 
aeoond eoualn or a step unole by nartiase* ?'y wife, that's all 
aha got • no thi ng but poor relatt one* 



19 

TTEDSMinrSRi 



TlWmVfmt 

1»11 th«n, you mh »«f»ly hand over all th» papers tc Koppel - 
fts long as he's In the f am ly« 



Kn?JKEf 
Y«B, I have j^veti him my papers* •••all, •••••• 

( Ta kes a thft ok paoket fron his vest pooket) 
exoept one* 



TIEr'!!J.<BV'ER| 

ttid«ii?t 



KUNXtt 

Tledeaeyer^ It •a an cvful eonfldenoe* Twenty- five years ago • 
maybe you rern<M3ber - they played "Pink romlnoes* here ? 



TlSDEMBTBRt 
(nth a broad amlle) 
Bo I remember? Forty glrla In the ohorus* The first tlrae I ever 
saw a woman's figure outside of a pioture gallery, Tlgiits - 
and suoh figures J 



KIT rn^Ei 
Tlederoeyer - you ? The marble pillar of the league ? 



TT EDEJiETERi 
ludalg, twenty- five years ago there were a few oraoke In the 
pillar, My morals only started to turn so good, when ray hair 
began toturn so idilte* There was a girl, leader o" the ballet 
•r — er -- wait a minute, I'll think of her name — er — er - 



The one oalled the lightning Bug?? 



TTET>B<lB!rERi 
How you atruok Iti The Lightning Bug,' All f^rlns the week I 
tried to In^te hov to supper* But, ever^nl gh* » »o funny, that girl 
had an appol ntraent with some fool fellow* 



20, 



KLIMKE: 
!El*d«D«7or - I iras the fellow • 



TTSDBIBnERt 
You? Lu<M89 I thought your nhole life wee wrepped up i n Bustard, 



KUFIKEi 
But twenty-five years ago, T had a a! de line - sploe. Oh, we 
flew around together- T and the lifi^tnlns Bug, Tlien T forgot all 
•bout her • She proQH 3ecL to 9«id ne f oy Ohrl stmes a present* 



Well? 



XUNKBl 

Oh, T had en ewful surprise - on rJhrletinas day, 



CJhrl etnas - a present? 



KTT!?Kg| 
Sueh a present,* t sot a telegraa, oongratulating me - I was a 
father. 



What? 



And later this picture, -d«eor»ted with holly berries, 
(Takes a photograph from the peeket and shows it to hi m) 



TIEDSMEYSRi 



XXZNKIl 

Ko, a boy. 



TTSDWETERs 
Oee-Roo salem,* What's on the baok of It? 



21. 



KUNlCEj 
(Bead ing the refrse side of the ^a otur«) 
"Hello, Popele, howM you do. 
Here's a little 'Tarl stmae gift for you," 



(^ tti_ns)„ 
Whew,* T*m ml ghty glad she oculdn't eooe.t "Y invitation. 



KITNKE: 
I went to ray lawyer, T was engaged et the time, T told hira T 
dldnU want t o be nrt xed u^i 1 n any eoandal, f=!o fcr the lagt 
twenty-fbor years he sent forty dollars a month — 



TI ETCv^ETf ET?t 
The profit on ten barrels of mustard. 



KIT NTTEj 
Now thatuir lawyer's -^ead - and Keppel Is my wife *s relation 
I'm dyins to knew where to l:ee^ these darn receipts, '''o, 
Tledereyer, - my old friend Tiedemeyer, T wondered If you 



TTETTE^fEYE^j 
( as If they wer e pol_gQnL 
I wouldn't soil ip.y flnsers with ♦e.*,' I, the second vice 
^.resident of the Teague.* Put ther? in y ur safe deposit box. 



LI 'KEs 
My Hi fe keeps the key for it, 

_(lv.oklnT: at the pa^er) 
She should see these — the ^.resident of the league. 



TTE^e'BTEPj 
Well, nan alive, haven**^ you got some place. 



KIINKB: 
Aln 't T telling you, T haven't 9 thins In the v.orlri ny wife 
don't sti ok her ncse In.' Tiedemeyer, haven't you a lewyer ,, 



TXETEf-lEYER: 
Yes, I got 



22. 

¥•11, tell your lawyer to keep them In JoLS. 0*1 fe, 
( SCMA heard off callinjg "LudwlgJ" ) 

8»8h; 

mmAt 

My deer ludwi 3 

(Kffepa M « handt l>^hl nd hi a baek, eonfuaed, hold! wt g peptri ) 
Oood day, - Binma* 

Aln 't you gol ng tc gtve ma your hand ? 



TTSCEMSrERs 
Of oourse* 

( looks at Kllnke In des^Mr) 

(KTJNKB ta kes the papers and holda then behind hi a back ) 
T'li give you both handa, 

(Holda out his hands to Bama) 



ludwlg — qui ok — ^ ve rae two and a half. T want to pay the 
but oher. 









KUNKBi 


I oan*t now# 












oatAt 


Wixy not? 






KLTWKEj 


Ily hands 


0iTe 


full. 


ffisras 


Of what? 









KI.T ^TCEs 
I... .I've got 3U0h a lot to do • Wh^it do you tPant mone'- for again 
•o soon? !^o extravagant, 

(To Tied greyer ) 
Take this thing* 



23 • 

(Frightened ) 
«h«t ? . . . .t Oh 



(Tc vilnlte) 



Ihtit's the natter with you? Wiiy <1o you keep your hands behind yci.tr 
bao3i? 



(Giving TTETaTET' ^ER the papers, geatloulates absent -ml ndedl y 

'wl th Ms hands ) 
What rti(* you say? ''hat's your bacl<; for, but to put your hsnda 
tehlna It. 

(7o Rnraa) 
I o«n do what I li ke w1 th my own hinds • 

( T^kes out )aoflkat" bookl. 
Here 's the money. Bnroa darling, the nost stvln^ little w1 f e 1 n 
the world. 

(looks 1 n _>iurae) 
I haven't got that much. Here - T ^ct raeney Ui>stai rs In my 
trousers* po«ket. 



BimAt 
Oh, no, you haven 't. '^•'ve been through than, 

KUNKEj 
What? 

(laujShlnjSL ) 
ftuaa, T hid It In the baok pocket. 

(Starts to exit H, ) 



EW4A: 
Ludwlg.* 

(Oroaaes to ^edeiBs yer ) 
rtoo<»bye. 



(KeoplnG hi 9 han^^s behind his back, ocnfi^aed) 
Ooodbye- goodbye. 



24 . 

lh«t»s the matter irl th Win? 
(Exit mta and KLTNKE R.) 



( Ooaa to do or Right Wrat^ oaTla> 

aoodbya, f7ora. 



OORAl 
(Entarlns with ROf^S « thay hava bean picking flowara ) 
Gooclbya, 



ROSES 
Ihat have yuu ^ot in that. paoka30 ? 



TIET^E?^EYER: 
X • • • • • I *"" 

(Lets the pi oture all p out cf the i ^apkag a) 



RO«?Ej 
Iho's il oture 1 s thetf 
(P1 okg 1 1 u p) 



CTJRAj 
A b^by# TsnH he cut©? 



TIET'Ef'E?fER: 
01 vo re that platura right away, 

(?^t icking It In his veat pocket ) 
I must gtirt thaaa pa para to my lawyer or T won *t have a (ivi^t 
minute, 

( ZA tl ng g, ) 
Goo dby e , oM 1 'Iren, 



ROSBt 
I muat go also, 

(Walt a ti ll TT gPEy^EYER ha a e adted, than nM a pera to '?o ca J 
111 run down to tha corner drug -tore and 'phone lauria for 
you • Explain to hlni exactly how raatter-r stand , 
(Bnter I EMA 0.) 



25, 

LENAi 
Ml a« 0at9i, a young man haa ealla<!i. Ha 1 a aaklng for your mothar 



OORAi 

Oh, haavanaj Did you haar that, Roaia? 



RO!?B| 
What sort of a man? 



LOTAt 

Tha sort that atumblas ovar tha umbrella stand • 
(Hands '70HA a oai*d ) 



CORA: 
Noal Bumham. 



RO<?Ei 
Tha nl 00, good swaet boy. 



LENA I 
Shall T show Wra In? 



Yas, Tall hlra tha young lady will aee him • 
(LENA ajdts f?.) 



GOT? A I 
What are you talking about ? T won *t see hi in 



Than I m 11, 



00 HA I 

You.*; 



ROSBi 
1*11 look him ovar and report to you. 



20. 
IBNAf 
(At doop^ 
TSi© young lady aaya 

(OQRA exit a R. hastil y) 

iHOEL entera 0, A timid, blond you ng ma n of t wnty-foup,, 
waarl^ng 1 ar ja,, d ark blu e oy aglaaaaa, amooth hair, oarrj ea an 
umbrella, la vary bashful and haa a haMt of haajtatjog I n 
apaaki ns - atrad nlng for a word) 



NOEIJ 
Exouaa rae. Miss • To T dl ati-rb you? T 'm Woel Bumhwa, 



ROSEi 
(at! ffly) 
81 t down, please. 

(He lavs his hat on 3hair O 



NOELl 
If T may make so bold^ 

( Takes off his blue glasses) . 
T strained thera readi ns, 

(Sr.njles at her, 3ro9^es timidly tosit in a ohair furtherea t 

off, extre me I, ) 



ROSE: ' 
Oh, look out - that's the broken ohal r • 



SOETj 
Oh, exouae rae - T - er — T al^raya raanase t pick out the wrong 
thing. 



Won*t you sit here ? 



NO EI. I 
Oh, If T iDwy be permitted. Thank you. 



ROSSj 
Careful, You 're golns to sit on your hat 



HOSLi 
Oh, -W — txcuae n« — et» --«•—« thou««Tu5 pardons. 

(He Ms, a nd alt 8 on Bott»e -. a long p»ua ») 
t« your mother «t homdT 



ROSKi 
(StlfHy ) 
Ko, 

NO EI. I 
What a pi ty. 



RO«?E| 
( aatme play) 
Yea, a great pity . 

(Xea and «1 ts teal d© Wm en settee) 



NOEI.I 
Terrible pity.* 

( A pauge) 
My mother asked ne to give your mother her lova* 



RO??Et 

(Same play) 
My mother i?l 11 be very rauoh pleased, 

(a pauae) 
Noel, - not a very usual name, To you spell It N-o— ? 



NOEIt 
Yes, N'-o-o-l — Noel • r^ag watilea - born on 'Tliri stnas 
don 't you understand latin? 



RO*^£t 
No, 



NOEIJ 
Panoy that, Tt •?» easier thnn EhsU s1ti» ''reek, Babylonian, 
Hebrew, Egyptian, Asayn m — th9y*^e all so easy, T *m eon! ng 
here to the unlv^?ralty as profeanor if and ent lansu'^ses. 



£R« 



What « » regular eollese pi»ofas8or ? 



IfOElj 
Ihy — or -« ar — qiTlte regular — yes, yn faot I've labored 
80 long aiaons d^ad paople, th-;^* I'm not qialt© ar -- ar — at aasa 
whan I'm nit a a ar - ©r — now what 'a the wct*d?? 



A 11 ve ona? 
IXftOtly/ 

And ycti thi nk T 'm. 



ROSE? 



NOETJ 



RO«!Et 



NOEI.l 
Oh, but. T r^o fael at home w! th you . !:> — ©r — really T, 
er — T feel •!• — ar — now how shall T say it •.,...? 



R0S2I 
Oooplaoantly ooofortabla?? 



NOSX: 
Tfiat's tho Idea. Only T 'm afraid T»ll bore yotu Now, If you vera 
an anol ant -• for i natanoa the <^uaen of Aaayrla — 



RosEj 
Wall, I •m aorry T *m not an old rnunny. 



NOBLt 
Oh, donU ixd "lundarstand — 1 *m not, I - er - well to conf! da 
In you •• up to a month ago all ray woman acquaintances hacl been rlaad 
a few thousand years. But soma tv\ ends tirgad na to go to a oollaga 
danca. And a very pratty girl -- oh var^' pretty — rasda rae dance - 

It *8 oallad 

(Oats up t o illustrata ) 
You put your foot lllte that — then you talta back your f ot and put 
it sera© plaoa else «— ndnd you all the tlna wiggling your body — 
It' a oallad — er — er — now what's the nane ? 



29. 
Th« Tango? 

N0SL8 
Prtolseiyi And. T n«do a ver> lnt«r«3tin6 <W sooTery — oh ve?»y 
tnt ores tins* 



NOEl.t 
1 found that a lovely g5rl — Just putting your arm around h9v 
seems to gl re « man a moat iveoull ar er — er — er 



Eleotrlcal atlmulue? 



NOET..t 
Exact lyj" -- an eleotrlcal atlraulus, A stlni^lua *h'.t one never 
obtains in the most intimate contact with mummies. 



And you «5i acovered th^t nil by youraelf? 



NOET.J 
Oh, qi4 te by myself. Really, it o«ne 11 k« a flaeh, So vhen 
lay mother susjsesf.ed raarri aje — 



R0<?F4 
I aae yuu*re a very obedient gon. 



NOBI.I 
Well, T ««ld to '^y mother:- "I'll take a look '^t h-^r ,..,,. but if 
T <',on 't Tike her, T*ll oorae atrai giit aome "• 

(Pi okl m ^J p_ Ms liat ) 
Ro now goodbye. 



RO"t: 
Such Itnpertinenoa. Fell, a very pleasant journey home • 



30, 
NOBLl 
Oh •r - or - •xouse rae — Alwxys ray wot»<^8 OiixO my thoughts lesn 
to tangle. I was merely gol n^ to order the exi^ress nan to deliver 
my trunk, ao that I oould 9t«y, 



ROSEt 
(Ijiughln^) 

Oh, I thought you were s^^^G horaei 



NOELi 
Oh no - moat ©mphatl oally no,* Please reraenber me to your 
mother — and na for you 



ROSEi 
gi% — Q^ — isn't tiiftt ray lanbrella you've taken? 



HOELf 
Oh, T beg a thoQsand pairdona* ?anoy taking your tnbrella? 

(Takea hi a own and p uts on hi s dark blue glaasea ) 
And as for y u, Miss Kllnke, you needn't be 5**lowe of ^11 thoae 
dead Babylonian <iueen8 — for tnere's aometh! ns about the warmth 
of your VHmd that gS vea a ^jtsoull ar ©r - er — now «h«t ahall T 
say? 



RO'^fcl 
Thnll? 



NOEL: 
That 'a the word, A thrill t.hs- o, ep vs r-hf- u,, ny spine • 



ROHEj 
(Agal n of f eri ng her hand ) 
Ok)odbye again* 



NOEI.J 
And If you*Il toll your mother thst her dauchter etlra in n^e, the 
er -- er - er — now, what ♦« the word? 



ROf?E: 
8pa-"k of 11 fe?? 



'i 31 • 

NOILl 
tsa«' ly»* 

( Starto tc f ftxlt ani^l opena the wrong doot*. It *a tho elosat ) 
Oh» T beg a thousand pardons** 
(Iheela atround ond salt 3 0^ ) 
(As the aama roomant OORA entara R,, ) 



OORAi 
^11 » 1 8 ha so awful? 



ROSEl 
(Put out) 
T like that.,* And you needn't worrTr for a knows nothing about you, 



OORftl 
Thank goodness/ Ihat does ha look like? 



RO?^Et 
(leading har to winded 
Beautiful blend hair. A pro f\B?jnor» look for yourself. 
(The ball rings, and ttSt^A anters % ) 



LENA! 

Mr» Tucker, 

( LAfR£?rgE follows har up M thout waiting to be announood ) 



Ah; 

(Taking both of O o ra'a hands ) 
Mjr dear little ^ora/ 



COHAt 



Lanbk! n,* 



TUCJK£r?t 
Exouaa cia, 

(To Rose ) 
Pon *t you tWnk you«d batter tall Oora 'a folks T •ra here? 

(OORA raakas a faoa ) 



82. 

ROSEf 
It*B bett«r» Oora, than to hav« them oatoh you • T*ll oall tham* 
(ROSE axlta H.) 



TOOKERi 
Wall, «« T solns *o sat that. Mat? 



No, no . -- 5, f t >nraa and papa aaw you? 



TUOKSRj 
Well, don*t they ki sa? 



OORAs 
But thay'ra ni«rria<5. 



Wall, I'm Hi 111 ns to ba. 

(lESA antara C«) 
Oh, T worker if T.ena oould taka a naaaaga for ma to the telagra]^ 
of f| o« • So anxloua to saa ycu I forgot to sand it, 

GOT? fl I 
Oartalnly. 

(lENA noda - quT U lo ok a over hi a ahpuldar to read It) 
•mi 98 Olarabal Vannar, 
431 Waat 46th Straet, 
Naw York, 
Strike while the iron ia hot. If the former Li shtn! ng Bug 
atrikaa for double har allowanoe on aooount of hH :;}i ooat of 
li vi nc, none of the good lamba ean txisk ^ rafuaal, M«ka sanat 
payable to ma. Tan i>9ip Mnt ctHaBiaalon for information 
and aarv! eea, 

Lai»renoa Tuoker - Attornay-at-law,» 
What a funny oaaaaga,* 



TU(3CERf 
It 'a a oeae T iuBt got on to , And it •jj a f^cle lot funnier 
than you th&nk^ 

(lEWA tak aa aaaaaga and exit a 0,) 



38 • 



OORAj 
Oh, taurle, they watt ra© to raarry •omebody elae» 

Ihan? Vhat? «?ho? 



OORAt 
The young fool of a oollege i)roT9B9ov, call eel Noel Pumhani, 



That blond baby T net on the a^epa? You aay hi a nam© l a Noel? 



(30!?At 
Yea - he waa bom on Chrj atmas. 



TUOKSRt 
Splendid- Oh, ho?/ T oan uae h1m» 

And Juat let your father becln w1 th in«. I never los» a oaae 
1 n toy 11 fe — and thi a oaae 



OORAl 
But laurj e, they claim your paat la ao awfully black • 

TUOKERt 

Qte, 'lora. Isn't that: a lawyer'a bus! naaa — to prove blaok la 

white? 

(ThrowB hi s arras about her ) 

Sweetheart.* 

(At thnt moment. KLTNKS and fiS>!?4A enter ^ght. They atan d 
watohlng the lons> lingering hug* Then KIINKE nudgea hi a wi fe ) 



XUNKti 

Bmna, you need a little more loe In y ur refrigerator « 



RfMAl 

(Angrily) 
Slr.» Ihat are you doing? "y dauGiiter/ 



TUOKSRs 
Veil, T gueaa the truth 1 a out, Ho, dear parenta, all we 
•an aak la your blesains* 



34* 

BMMAl 

You must b« Joking If you think we *v S'^'ins to g! v« our baby to 
you. 



Why not? Is th«r« Rnythdng asMns* n» f 

i& S^'ik laugha, Tumi ns ^o Kli nke ) 
T s therat 

( KLTT^B lau g ha) 
Your objeotlona seem to be very Berloua,. . ..i«rhap» you 'll 
•xplaj n • 



(To Cora ) 
Leave th^ ro<Ma« 

OOI?At 
Oh, Popa! •• 



Oora, fihen your mother aays anythS ns» you got to obey — and T 
got to obey, 

(qcRA exits ^ish t) 



Now ray husband will nnswor you, . •••ludwl g^ 



KIJNKEi 
( Frl ffht ened) 
v«?/be you better talk to hjn • 



lud^g, «ln H you a man? 



TUCJKERi 
Vhat*s ffrong id th roe anyway? 



You ask that, after secret meetings «1 th our dftusl^ter«..,beMnd 
our bftOkst 



TUCKER: 
(To Kllnke ) 
Wellf dldn 't ycu sver have a little private meetlns ? 



I refuse to answer suoh n question. 



Think of your past. 31 x lady loves in el g^* years. 



TPCJKERj 
Thnt*s a ml stake* 

Oh, 1 nd««iid. 



T'JCfKSHj 
Yes. — it was el /^it affairs 1 n Jil x years • 



KLTNKEl 
And you expeot a ra^m of ny aharaoter to gJ ve our dau^nter t^ 
suoh a rake? 



Mow wait a mlnuto. That all sounds like the Purity PrcteoMve 
league. Rot.' If a fellow, baok In his rent, treats his lan<ll8t!y*s 
daughter twl oo In suooesalon to nn 1 oe oream soda, you mark ':1own 
•Affair ai th a landlady's daughter". 



T-on *t Insult th«it league — you insult ne — its youngest raernber . 



If a lawyer in trying to oolleot a bill v1 aj ts a milliner « oouple 
of times, you mark down "soandal with a milliner ". 



3d. 



KIlNKSt 
(Pacdng th» floor, ) 
You ou^ht to be «ah«n«d of yourself — yonng man. 



TtfOKfiJ?! 
(taughins)^ 
How, good fr!©nfl«, don't be too severe. After all auoh thlnga 
often ooour — In the beat of regulated facdlies. T?un aoroaa th«a 
all the time i;. ray praotl oe, Why, aorae yeara ago one of ovir 
moat worthy oltisena had an affair wi th a dancer. 



KtTNKEj 
Ihat'a thla? Ihat's thl 3 ? 



A leader of the ballet — oalle?"' the lightning Bug 



Tes, T know. Know all about that. 

( Qutok ly) 
We don 't care anything about thl s matter* 



Why, I,udwlg, It* 3 v%rf Intereati ng. As a Member of the league you 
ought to Interest yourself. 



KtlHKEi 

Now, Bmna •* Brnna, It don *t ocnoern us. 



TUCSCERi 
She was a danoer in "Pink Pcmlnces'* — our worthy dtisen used 
to take her bug^y riding. 



KUNKEj 
Well? That's 5u»t • harraleas little aiausenjent . 



TtJOP:fr>i 
Quite harmless. In a short tine he was a father • 



37 • 
AIMAt » 

A father? Ludwlg, did you h««r thfjtf 



T«s, yes, T know i t, 
( Pretendi n/j; anger) 
I won*t he^ you say suoli thlngB before my wi fe,» 



BUMAt 

ludu! s, I wl sh to know the naTie of. 



KTJNKBi 
How Scaraa, that*8 no business of yours. 



SUMAt 

You saS d hs qui okly bsoame « father. 



TTJ(3KS'{f 
On Ohrl straas day,,.,,. 



(Aside) 
That fellow,' That devll^ 



TUf5KL'^l 
Re sot word that- a f^e«t 5oy was his, and received a photograph 
of hi n oW Id, 

(Takes the d o t ure from hi a pooket) 

Here It Is, 



KIlNKBt 
(Pssed) 
Tou*ve 3ct the H oture? 



TUOKE^t 
The berries are a lltt.l© faded. 



S.{MAl 

1st r:!e see i t? 



98» 

KLINKEj 
No, X won •! allow that. 

( B trusgl es with TUCKER ) 
Sh«*8 ao •jrmpathatl o» my wife — she won •t aleop all night long • 



The fathar of course did not reoognlza har as hi 9 daughter? 



KII^TKEf 
Tt wns a son. 



muAt 

Ihat did you sayl^ 



TUCKEPt 
tt was a son • 



Ihat a oaaa for the league — to d1 aoover the father.*/ 



TUOKERt 
I cannot gl v« ycu his n:5ne« 



KITNKEi 
( Aside ) 
Not such a bad fellow. 



waukt 

But T insdst on Know! ng* 



KIINKEi 
How Stena, Etaraa, don't,* — ?.'ayba the youns nian has given his 
w<->rd of honor. And as « reraber of the Laague 7 '^ n *t allow anyone 
to be forced to bra^k their vrorA of honor* 



Oh no, I didn't gl ve ray word of honor. 



(Orosai ns )^ 
That d«vli there/ 



39. 
KXiNRSt 



mmAt 

Ihat 8 pi ty,' A» President of the league, T must interest myself 
1 n thl 8 matter, Poes the oMld look like hi a father? 



The likeness Is atrikln/];.. ...^fhen T looked at this picture It 
•eeiaed to ne T oould see the father stendi ng before rae. 



KITNKSt 
{Ultlng. and rao^ ns off) 
That devil there.' 



BMMAS 

Then ludwlg. ...•• 



KIINKEl 
(Oontf ng to her like a ^hipped do<p: ) 
Te-e'-es darling* 



EMMAl 

You've Just joined the league. As your first task T'll api>olnt 
you ohalrraan of the coranrt ttee — to track this fath©** flown. 



KITNKEi 
Never, Emma, No/ The poor man, Af^er twenty-five years. 



ESiOftAj 
Truth trtll out ~ T don't oare for the man* 



KlINKEi 
Well, I do. It *s different with me. 



Then T shall go to Albert — my brother /»lbert Been, — Ihat 
he oen 't find out aln 't worth knowing • 



40. 
XUNKSi 
( Leaning wealtly » gal nat tablt at ») 
Uustard — mustard — all day mustard -- an<^ whan you oona 
home you're in mustard again* 

(g nter TTBDglEYgR RlPiit Hyst) 



Well, well, folks. 



Sxouse me, please* 
(About tc «xl t ) 



KITNKEi 
Where are you sol ng? 



To Albert. T Intend to find out who the father of tr,^* ohll<' is. 
(gadta a^ ) 



KUNKSl 
Tledeiaeyer, you villain, where itr^ sjy papers? 



ron't worry. They're in the best of hands* 



KliriKEf 
Who dl d you gi ve then to? 



TT!BrE?JfETER| 
( Pol ntj ns to Tuo ker) 
To my lawyer, laurle* 



(f^nidns into his ehair) 
Good tA ght i 



OtTRTAT *?, 



J. E. NASH. 




"PS 



170 BROADWAY, 

Cor. 37lh Street, 
NEW YORK 



THE 



HIGH 



COST 



OF 



LO^;iNG 



ACT 



ir 



§HHHHnHMmMWH§§H§uuH m u § Hi^^Hm m'94mHm»^9'mm^ 



-f~ THE HIOH COST OF LOVING -:* 



ACT II 



u mHUfS4^§m§Mm4§^f ^ § ' !JMhm*m *mNh^'^'i^'^^ ••^-'^ "#*#*;« 






M 29 1914 



A T IT -j" 



aOEMEt S<M »g Apt T, 

nt aeX)VERIg)i OORA I. of tabic, allently weplns* ROSE •ntar s 

0,, nth amful of book8« 



OOHAl 
Oh, Roale, I'm so glad you've oom© • 

(Ama around hew ) 
T?ot n word from laurt e, raothar and father toll laa nothing — a 
fearful JJlle^noe • Oh, ^iqt a lot of bool.a you 'va sot. 



R0<5E| 

(Oonfuaed ) 
Er - ar • - yaa • They'ra from a olroulating library, 



OORA J 
•MoraTjty among the Babylonians* - •Marnaga in Anient Times* 
"Introduction to the Interpretation of Cunelforn "Wltilng • ? 
( OA vm» h ar a look of 1 ndvA ry) 



R0?5E| 
Oh, they're f asol nati ng,' Jaok lonf^on or Robert Cliarabera 1 sn''t 
In 1 1 M th them, 

(lENA enters •?« and oomea Aomn T., of f^^^") 



LENA I 
(Ihaaoarinit to Oo ra) 
m sa Cot^, the gentlaman Is here again* 



ROSE! 
Oh heavens, give ma the books,' 

(Takes timm and starts to rush off T. ) 



OOP At 
Ihieh gantlen^n? 



IfifAi 
Tou know ••...the tala^TMi gentleman* 



2 . 

ROeiEt 
(Rg«Xl«ins, ahttttlng door and j»jitorrtng ) 
Oh» that on««* 

iTJCn^ER enters r;.^ ana at lEWA •xlta 0., thrcwe arae around Oora) 



OOHAi 
Wall, at lest, Lauria. You rl skad ooimng? miat*^ jolxig on? 
Mother wrote Invitations half the night for a si-ool **1 meeti ns* 
The wJiolo league lalnvlted. 



(ta»eha ns?- 
Thay*re going to hold court i 



OCT? A I 
About youT 

TUCK BR J 
No, this time thay^ve another sinner on the grlddlo • 

ROSEi 
lhat*8 gcdng on 7 



ftfOKlRt 
It'a not for ycung girls* 

(LEHA ra-»entera« Qomas down T» of Oora. whispering ) 



IKtVAt 
Miss Cora - your Uncle Edward 1 a outsl da • 

(Consternation ) 

(gnp^: 'my^tr TucrcERt «BiJ" ROSEt *Papa?*)- 

And ha wants to see Mr • Tucker, 



OOHAs 
You? Laurie we're found out/.* 



TUOVTERt 
(Going up to C» ) 
T'o not afraid. 



OORAl 

(gnWART' HAU*^ER. »nt»p» 0,. fuj ghtfully worrltd. He oroB8<i» 
to i.aURTE, and to the «ut»prK» of all, fragpa Laurie warml y 
by the han d ) 



Ah, ?>• Tucker — T'r • Tucker,' 



ROSEf 
( Surprl aed ) 
Pspa^ 



OOHAl 
You're not angry? 



No* No/ But for heaven's sake leave ua alone a moment* 



OORAt 
Don 't get I'lurl e Into trouble, rmole. T asked him to cone, 
T be,>;sed hlia, Tt 'a all ray fault, 

BPVARrt 

( Worried, and 1 n a fearful hurry) 
Yea, yee, yea.' He needn't be afral '■" of ree* 

(CORA and R0!^£ exit I* ) 

( HAUSgR grosaea to door L* and aeea that it la tightly eloaed » 

al so nc one li atening behind portier es 0.) 
Have a ch^lr* 

( fitting « in a himble voi oe, irery nertmtia ) 
Now T preaume anything T tell you «i8 an attorney will be 
prlwHeged and aeored* You'll newer use It agalnat rae? • 



TUOKBRi 
Oertalnly not , log-^l ethics. But you look frantic? 



ErwATTTf 
(Rlal ng) 
Hawa you ewer aat up all night, writing Invltatlona to your own 
funeral? 



TUORSnt 
(Alao rlal ng) 

T b«s your p«Pdoiu' 



X want to your of fi <so • Your boy told noyu ii«r« h«r«. JJot a 
noimnt •» to be lost , JHt down. 

( Both si t - apyaka eloyly and ylyra nly) 
li St en,* fwenty-nvt yaara ago "Hnk BonH noes" — 



TtJOKBItt 
( W, a! ng) 
Oh^ Oh, T know all about,. 



Th« Ilshtmng Bug — laader of the ballet. Well, srt r, she 
was frightfully busy - reh««ar«ing, ami night and day 
praotiaing new atepa. But that lovely lady raade an §M9 M f " 
In JQ£ oase. 



TUCJKERi 
Your caae? T thought it 



ETTAnn 
Wiat. dl d you tW nk? 

TUOKERt 
Oo on. 



?aae raade an exception, T waa the ONT.Y raan ahe net • 7or ne, ahe 
stole a few preeloua minutes from her work, ??ha saw me Monday, 
Wednesday and Frl rbiy aftemoona. 



Oh OajAtal - oapltai;/ And In the ewenln^a ,....? 

lDWrtlT5t 
Hav©n»t T bean telling you ? Busy - alsaya practising naw atepa. 



lUOKHIi 
jHomting,) 

Oh, thj 3 1 8 too rl oh J 



I!>WARTM 

mohf 



TUriKSRl 
You? Oorresponding Secrot«i?y of the I««gu««*/ 



EDWARPi 
But T couldn't have fathered th« League, If twonty-flTe year's ago T 
hedn't leat^t that *lt paye to be good*# On flhr! stroaa day T 
reoel ired an 9«rfi:l shook, lookj 



A picture of a baby boy.* 
(T^oublea with laughter) 
Ihere have T seen thl s before? 



£!?WARDj 
See iriiat*a written on the baok. 



T*ll bet T oan gue«s« 



BTWARn 
A hundred dollars that you oan*t. 



TUOKERt 
•Hello Popeie, how d'ye do 
Here's a little fJhrl staiaa gift for ycu .• 



EPWARTi 
flPhunder at r uek ) 
Tou atn* 



Yon f '. rget I 'ra httr at ♦orney# 



c • 

XDWARDI 
Ihat could T do? T "waa engaged to marry a rl oh girl at. the tine . 

TUOKfSRf 
But possibly, you eould prove some other. ••... 



Row many times must T repeat tliat.*,* T ?as the only man she met 

all the rest of the tine she was rehearsing new steps, 

fPgoudly) 

T was the only nan she oared to meet* 



Oh, this la wonderful — wonderful^ 



Slnoe that newer- to-be- forgot ten rshrlstraas T*T9 been allowing her 
fifty dollara a month. 



TUCRflRt 
Fi f ty? 



ETTk'RT't 
Ctould a man send less ? And now, -jfter twenty-n ve years.... • 
I reeel we this before breakfast.. 

(Traws out a telegr am) 
"rouble allowanee and pay amount to ny attorney, Lawrence ?l oI:er, 
or I shall Institute publl a suit for same, Thl a inorease is 
made neosssary — by the hfeh oftst of liwl^. " 



TUOKERt 
( Laughing ) 

The hlGh oost of H vl ng — wh«it it doesn't get tt amed for.'.* 



ET'WART^I 
Mr. Tucker, I can't rmise the money. Ewery dollar of my income 
rajr wl f e keeps track of. That f! fty dollars represented blood 
money -- old clothes thet T secretly sold second-hand — 
occasionally pawning a i>re8ent - oisnra that t took to smoke, and 
kept to sell. 



7, 



(Throiw op hi a handa » alnk« dow n In <^aap«ip) 
( f^utfr'enly drawa out th»^otur» again) 
Ycu think th« li«%y raaaiablas ma ? 



TUCXERt 
Not at two months. 



KDWAITDi 
My t»i»oth«r^ln-law Albert is traoWng down tha father, 

( GrasxAn/^ Tuakat* *a han d ) 
Mr • Tuokar, dalay that suit two waeka - g! ve ma tlma to t?iink, 
You *r« auoh a fl na young gantlem?jn» 



Yastarday 7 was tha hi Z8^9t aoainp allva* 



K!>WAHT)8 
Shutfu - lho«'3 oondng • I oan*t ba aeen talking to you • 

(OORA and ROSE 9nt«r U ) 
Oh Oora, - Boat a, Roaio, not a tword thot your papaya b«an hara • 



ROSEt 
papa? So worried, ^st h«va you baan talking about? 



TUfTfCERt 

Poli ti oa. 



BPWARDI 

(Sattins m ^t lat ) 
Tha country is coins to tha dogai Wa'ra all baing ri4 nad by tha 
high ooat of living • 



OOHAj 
Ra 'a woraa than ray papa. Oh, father i 9 raging • 



TUOKBRl 
About ma t 



CKMAi 

y«8 — oh at breakfast «•..., what he oallad you, and li^at ha 
ealled Cider Unolo Tlad«neyer«*«* And what ha aadd about 
Praaldant fllson - and tiia W ^ ocat of living?? 



TUOKEni 
Wian was thl s? 



oonM 

Ihy this doming wh^m she aot tha table Lena put a telegrarn 
under hJ a c^rape frul t. 



Ha, ha«* Wonderful/ 



(Myetl t* B A) 
They're all going cra«y over pclitioa* 



tatAt 

( Ent ering , ) 
Ittaa 09va« the little ^entlanm from St • Paul la here egaln. 



R03£j 
KoelT 



OORAt 
I haven't seen hln and T wi:n 't see h!nj» 

( To Laurie) 
The man maonn lasooed for cse • A Uttle aaw-ad off, hanaarad* 

dOfRl** 



RO<^Ef 
That 'a not true* 



Ah.' I'.y deadly rival** TM like to have a peek at him — this 
'Thrl stnas b^by* 



OCMAt 
I won H se- him • 
(Jtboot to exit R,) 



TUOKERl 
Then T shall/ A general hw to sMrmlah to leai*n the strength 
of Ws enenjy, T»ll draw hi a fire, "^o st=»y, Pose, 



Ho, I oen't . 

(She eidts R. wl th mRA) 

(After a moment WOECT. enters 0,, taliee off hi b blu» glesoes -» 

gees TUCKER) 



IfOELt 
Oh, er - exouse rae • era T In error egeln? T ^hoi g-ht T was In the 
ri ght ho use* 



TUOKERl 
So you «re. 



NOSLi 

Really? And the young ladyt^ 



TUOKBRj 
Gfnltetlns a girl fixing her heir and button! ng her clress ) 
You~know« ~~~ 

( Qreeting Mm ) 
I an « er • Mr , Tuoker, Von 't you hare a seat 7 



HOELi 
If T nay. 

(Ritfi on hooka » then re ^»^y t^tlAa, anrpri aed) 
Oh, T fces 9 thousand pardons • "The History of '^unelfora 
IHtlng •. "Morality eraons the Babylonians*. Are you an 
I^ptolcgl St? 



TUCKERt 
The young lady l3,.«..8lnoe yesterday raomlns. 



10, 
NOSLt 
(Fleaaed) 
Ah/i And you •!•« on« of the fanHlyf 



TU(5CERf 
Well 30 to 8i-)eak, ye»« 

(Deeper vpioe ) 
Yea. 

(Fttll vol oe) 
The fanii ly owe a lot to me. 



NO El I 
( Brabarraaged ) 

Then I auj^pose ycu 'v© hoard my reason for being here? 

(Ssallns timidly ) 
It 's auoh a remarkable — romanti o oo! nol denoe • Our raothera are 
so congenial* And aa for the yoimg l^dy and T — It' 's a case cf - 
•r -• er — er -• now • er - whet* a the expreastfon? 



TITfJKS^f 
Spontaneou'^ combustion? 



NOELt 
Preol aely* 



TUOKKRt 
You mean the U ttle blonde lady ? 



KOELt 
No - e«r - tall, thi n , brunetti sh» 



TUCKF^t 
C3reatj:ilns t*el1 ©f) 

( As TUOKER erogae-;) 
Ho wonder Roaie defended him • My best i«t ahes, youns friend* TM 
like to help you« 



aocLi 

Would you ? 

(Tlmoroualy folloirtng up TUOKE R) 
To be sur«, my cJear mother gavw n« some inatruoUons, f?he told 
m% how nsy father tluahJngly approaohed her - twenty-three yeara 
«80«..«but T aoaroely believe that's the f^ahlon nowpid=»ys, 

TUOKSRt 
Oht lons-dravn eourtahlpa went out of data^ iritian tha tasda «ama 
ln# TM fi 18 the a-^e of apeed, 

HOBLl 
(ffr.akl ng hi a head, al ghl ng ) 
TNe no Idea how to win the hei^rt of a young l<Jdy« And. there'a 
no one you ean go to , for good adwi oe • 

TUOKEHi 
Oh, nowadays, a fellow doesn't beat around the bush — he 
goea riiiht t9 tha mark* Juat watoh* 

fOroaaaa to door R..) 
Oh, Cora/ 

(CORA enters R. ) 



What 1 s It? 



170 EX t 
(Tntrof^n oine hlmael f) 
T 'b Profesaor Noel Bumham • 



OORAi 
( Surveying hlro from head to foot ) 
You look lt» 



TUCKER I 
(-Ifi_Hi2Al) 
<5ee — • tha youns l^y atanla here; end here you are . »?cwyou 
^id'Ua up right 9loaa 

(Doea 8o) 
find her hand — 

( Does ao) 
and juat squeeae her till she oan*t breathe* 
( Poea go ) 



12. 



OORAl 
(Tn friendly lau^ ter) 
But Iaurl«»* ?;top^ 



How you 3«e that's the way, 

(Proudly ) 
that do you any to that? 



( iho has watahed dtjabfounda d ) 
Splandld; T belleva T ah ill try it • 



OCRAi 
flPakaa the 1 aat aantanae to waan h#nr») 
Not on mttm 
iRuahaa Qut_g^» ) 



NOSLS 
(Soratohlng hie hoad and faintly ■pA H ng) 
The thins eeenia very alinple. 

( Sliake*& Tucker *s h and) 
A thousand thanks* I •*vo had n oollege education • I think I 
ought to be able to do that* 

• tRC«?g entert R« wearing a perfectly innocen t e^uresaj on •» %9 t 

eurpn aed to ■»• No el) 

ROSEl 
Ah, NoelJ <3ora told rae you wore here, 9Ln^ that you wanted to 
show me aone thing* 

(TPOKCT ■ttppreaaet a aaile and a tart a to rmfli off ) 
You're not running away? 



TlWKSRi 

(^ adtlng 1?*) 
IRxy T have the sane thing he has, and I was going to show It to 
Oora« 

(i KUt n>) 

(i fOBL fingers the books nervously, approaches HO^K seweral 

ti mes and hesitates btfors spea king) 



13 . 



ROSEt 
1Diat*a all this mystery? 



NO ELI 
( m th a walls of so tmbatrp^ss^d boy * Referring to Tuoksr » s exit) 
A ciost Interesting man — • and oh» so aooomodating* 



RO<?Et 
Ihat did he tell you ? 



He said. •••I should*. ••• 



ROeBj 
Ihatf 



ITOEL; 
(Mth deolsion ■» asi de) 

rnianskit. 

( Qets Tsry plose and gently tales hor ha nd ) 
Pear T?o83» 

(He kl ases h^r several times) 



But Kr« Bumhara,* I oan't breathe. 



MOELl 
( Tremendously satisfied ) 
fxaetlf;. 



ROREi 
But er — — 



NOEL: 
(Aooentins eaoh sentence wi th aaqueeKs) 
I knev T could do it - T knew T' could do It— T knew T 
could do It And T can r'o it again • 



ROSES 
Vr* Bumhara really,' How dare youi 



14. 

NOBLt 
(Aatounded) 
Tou^rt angry? And that vaa my fl rat kl »«,• 



R«mlly? 



NO EI I 
Honestly • 



RO"E« 
(?^llpplng hqr hand in hSg •• idl gallfts) 
Oh» to be a man* a fl rst lovei You did wonderfully well ♦ 



HOSLt 
Slno« I*va met you T*ve groNvii flv« thousand ytara youns«r. And 

you - you *r6 reading 

(Poinfca tc >oolca ) 



ROSEi 
lly, pushing t h^r j aaiae) 
Oh, Noeli Madaras Chtiroa ssid it was written !n tho book of fat« • 



NGELl 
That kiss/ You know y belle w T*ve wsnted to kl as before, 
but T never quite underatood where the peoull ar feeling oarae from. 



ROSBt 
Hoeli 

( They embrace^ 3' d e nly ) 

Oh heavens, aontebody 1 s oocii ng. 

( Exits Quiekly> U ) 



NOeit 
( Throwlns kisses after h er) 
Untl 1 T aee you agal n» 
(TUCKER enters F?. ) 



TUCKERi 
Well, ray friend, c!1 d It work? 



15. 

SOBLt 
So eaally th&t I'm alaoat afraid she kinder er - er - er 

TUCKER f 
Anti oipftted? 



MO ELI 
Esaetly. r*n solns to ''r, Kli nke today and aak for his oonsent , 



Mr, Klinlset 



Her father. 



TUCBtroi 
(HI th a m oked ana le ) 
Ah, yes// Yea, Oe^-ruealera, tut you're oouregecue/ 



KOELf 
Bo you know Mr • Kllnke well? I'm 30 efrald to r>eet hjm . 



Oh, 5 us* yow go toward him, optn your arms, 



HOEr.1 
3 artns about Tucker ) 



Yes, T know — until he can't breathe • 



TUOKBRj 
No, Ycu open your arras and nerely say, •Rejoice father, now I 
here*. 



SOStt 
( A ft er a pauaa) 

Father, • . , ? ^y , father? 



16 • 



TUCKER I 
¥•11 If you axpQot tc be hl« «on-ln-l«w. 



NOELl 
Ah — yas • leather? ^all hlra father, r! gj-it off? 



TUCK EH I 
This It tha as* of sre^rt. 



NOSXi 
1^ajciO€ father now T am here. 



Oh, you •an 't sraagiin© what an loprasaj on you •!! oreate idth 
5u8t those few words* 



MOEtj 
C^th a b-'oad, bland smrtle) 
Ah, yea — I think he td 11 like that. 



TUOKERt 
Tou follow rae - and you'llaurely make an lopreaalon. Come out 
and have a drink, 5u»t to ^ut a little fire in y. ur aoul. 

NOKL: 
( 11 th detetni natl o n ) 
By Oeopge, t will — If you ra«^-te it a Ohacolate and raalted milk. 



OCR At 
(Iho has entered R« on the ouet *haT» a drink *) 
( 3urpri ae d7 ~~ 

A drl nk.» Ycu two f rl enda ? 



TUCt'EI^l 

( awinging Ma aro In Noel's a nd^ftaLtUig-^M-th-Mia) — 
Friends? "liy ^r , ?.umh«a«8 a rj*'io^ nan . He 'a the nan this 
whole town in Icokl ng for • 

( COWA stands dunbfo unded. ) 

( KIT WW ♦nt»r« U, the plottn»e of hopel ess deepel r) 



17 . 
KUKKEl 
Oorft.» Core/ - -who you looking at — sonebody gc out ? 



Ihy no - nO0 

(Juat then th« outor door alamg ) 



Well what they doing - slammins the door, to aee If the hinges 
work? 

( Site. rUbbin^; his forehead ) 



Papa, you A ok — i»hat "i s It? 



KITNKEf 
Oh, T got aoraothing that di e»nH agree with rae this noming, in 
ray grape fruit? 



C30RAJ 
Oh, poor papa/ And look, T brought you a little present. 

( Prawa out a gypay oharrtQ 
A luck pleoe - a oharm that n&var' fails - "Lucky you 'll be, for 
luck follows ne *• It •» wonderful • 



KLINKEs 
Well, if anything oan give your poor papa luok, it»3 surely 
wonr^erful • 

£Xb Qiit to ); viknA it back) 



CORAI 
Aren 't you e<Ans to kesp It? 



All right - T - or - all rl 3ht bahy» But aveetie» my lucky 
days are over • The hi c^i cost of livi ns«» 

(Am aro und h er w iti speri ng) 
Cora - that youn^; felTow, VaSJ iawyei%..» where is he? 



OORAt 
IEr# Tuok«r? Pspa, dldiH you t«ll m« I ahoulrt n«ver, ntrwv •«« 
hlB again ? 

KIT met 

A fine young •oarai). Never iri h^ a offj oe - not five mlnutea/,* 



CCnAt 

(Angrl l y) 
How do you know? How can you say that? 



Aln *t T been there a ("oaen timet? 



OORAi 
You? Rl s cf fl ce? Papa.* 



iciTN?:s: 
IPtll er - er - I mean - er - ar — he 'a a lawyer • I got 
t>ualner!». Oh, don 't bidder your pajpa - he's a trf ok man/ 
( 9ank$ng into » phajr ) 
(BiSMA entera 0» on omt '^^ok nan* •» exoltedly) 



IMMAt 
Ludwlg, w*;^t *s the matter with you ? All you men trt ok? T 5"8^ 
©one from Hauaers* - Edvard Is 8i oK too — s regular ejpldmala* 



KTINKSf 
He ? "^ ch? He should only 7,et what T ?;ot , Tie don •t know 
how luoky he 1 a* 



OOHAf 
JSfartinK to exit !• ) 
Papa, maybe it 'a a little grippe oomlng. Shall I so upstairs and 
fix you a hot bath? 



KIlNKEt 

Hot water^? Hot wateW T been in enough hot water « 

{fSHMA wai ts till OORA has exited, then rushes to her husband) 



?.9« 



tu&^S " toclay I'll find out. 



KllNKSt 
(Angrily) 
Find out rtiat? 



Iho the father i s. 



fltama darMng — swe9theftrt — what the difference rhftther peopl* 
got a little more morals, or « little less m'^rala — so long m- 
they keep on eating mustard. 



ludTrtgi IWio knows i»hat 'a 1» cone of that poor innocent child, 
wW le the father rnay be li ^ ng ^n luxury irlth hi 3 -onsw^peotlng 
irife* At least we rouat open hSOl eyo«« 



KLINKEj 
Ebmia darling, you 'd better let thero remain «loeed» 



Not ne. I *v« already started the i nrestl gati on with Alber^t, 



Albert ? Tnat blood hound? 

(Adda) 
And Cora g! f9B me a luok pi ©oe,' 



Bf'TMAl 
( Mygtl ft ed) 
But I oan't understand, ^Ta 's rot near as energetic as usual* 
Says h9»3 fnund out thS ngs — but it's only fair to see you 
first. 



20, 

KLINKEl 

l''99 A fins luok p(l«(MiJ^ 

(Stlok« it awAV In hifl pnn^at > To — ^fiama-) 

temtt • ansa darll ng - tall Oora to maka that bath so Maiai ns 
hot ft man aan't live throush It, 



OlMAt 
X*ll sat It hot anou^ Batter oall na ifhan Albert eonas • 

(KTTNKS in the thro as of deapalr) 
Thi t3 time, Ludwjg, wo 'ra going to th^g bottom of tw nga. 

(Exits H,) 



KITT/E8 

(Ri sc>« looXe after her> Than atarta to pao e the ro<Ma In a 

fury ) 
T want to fltaa Tladeneyer - that* 3 all/ Scraotoody the rid only 
•end I mad oandy, sc T oould feed 1 1 to Tl ©deneyer. 



(AnMoualy) 

Kllnl.o; 



TTET^S.'EYERi 



And ha o ff era hi a hand as 1 f t w, re id s fri end? 



TlE?Sf.?ETEr?j 

J ■ hltc hJ s head yp»n t oral na.ng that T^edemeyer*3 head 1 s empty) 

But you aaid my lawyer. 



Ku^rr.Bt 
Kiteusa ne - it's my mls*fr1?fe *•— ray ralataka — yesterday T still 
t ought you had a littia br^na* Tloker «— lawrenoe Tuokar/ 
Bloodhounda are after na^ lad by Alt>«2rt, Oonfi ng any mi nuta. 
Albert ♦• ^ 

( TaMng Ttedo rrey er by yhe am ) 
Ha 's going to give me wamjng, before ha makes It yuibllo. 



Good heavens i 



21* 

KMNKBi 
IWill, It •» I4iid«r n5 09 of him anyhow, to oorn« and gl vtt raa frarning. 



Laav« It to Q* —I'll fix it. 



1CLINK3J 
You fl xod 1 1 yaaterday. 



TT£!>Ef'nYS?j 
Mow J ust trust tc ma — T *11 araooth 1 1 all oTax*, 
(BM74A yo-e ntorq It *) 



Oh^^an T haat»d the doo?" T tho'os^t it waa /Ibert. T 'n on pins 
and naerllas « 

TIET'SJ'EYE??: 
1»* AH. - are • 



Have yrtu haaiH! anything ? Tt api^aara th! e tnan 1 a wall knom In 
town* 



Oona, anna, ba sensible • ThJ nk of this poor man. 



Poor man? Ara you forgattins that halplaas ohllci 



TIEr©fgTERj 
(Letting It alitf) 
Haan 't ha baan gat ting sixty dollars a month? 



KIIMK2J 
( Alraost at tha aaoa tjtaa ) 
No, forty. 



Forty —sixty? ??hat doyou men know abvout this ohl Id? 

(EACH of the *Jm trying to " ^Mtthf tha othar behind hi a back ) 



22 • 
Ohiia - bo»h^ n« •» tw«nty«fota» years old. 



And how did you knov thatf 



TT ET>EMB7ER| 
(Seeine his aH; » rtgnalllns to Kllnkd » helpleaal y) 
V»ll • T — you sea. ...... 



a4?.*Ai 

Please explain** 



Tr EI>EM6Y0?t 
Row fiBiraa, now see here , Tliose th! ng« happen every day* 
rionH take it so seriously ^he wis only a dancer* 



Ihat do you mean? Only a danoerT 



J-BeLghtfiued) 
Veil T 



KITMKEt 
( grossing - under M a br-^ ith) 
That dam fat fool** 

( He i 8 over L. » BIMA has her back to him - he .uts hi s hand to 
his UPS frantl pally trying to alsnel allenoe to Tiedetneyer ) 



EM^fAl 
( Tfi_2Le^Lsiaeyer ) 
You knuw more about th5s«,....T aee 1 1 on your faoe, 



I — T...I not a thing but ludwig. 



ytf husband? l^^hat haa rajf husband got to doid th it? 



23, 



aena«* Stama darllns, don *t get youraelf oxoltod , 



Tl BTEMEYERi 
Hot YAm: Not Mm:: Tt 's all ny fatat . 



BIMAs 
Tour fault? 



I maon, I lot tha oat out of the b^ig/ 



Ttedetneyer, are you tha mun^ 



No, T 



T)on *t lie Jet your oonad ence speak. Make a clean 

breast. , Tell all , 



TTET*E?4£YEP: 
Put, Earaa/ Etoaa it'rasn H me,* 



It waan *t inm • 



How ahouia you know ? Tare you T:iEie ?'^ ' me in here, 

Ti e^oineyer. 

(Pointing to I.) 
T went to question you alone • All alona. 



But Brarea. 



24 • 

Ut 

Albert* 8 too slow for «•♦ 

(TTSTE^BTEP haaltatas) 
If you don 't d«r« to fio« ^« — then T know the "eason why. 



TTBT SUETS'?: 
All n^t, aama - - all rl 3ht. 

fOlves KLT^r^g a hopelasa look an^^ follows g*MA cff L .) 



KITNKSf 
That fat fool, he, ...ha fixed It,* 
( ICTA entera 0« ) 



IBfAl 
?/r, **ean 1 s utal da lookl n? for you. 



Albert o rioo<^ rH ~ht.» 

(<;wl(;enl7 taking out luok piece ) 
Who th«5 devil gwva ne thi s.'.* A luck pi ecc/.» 

( Nervously J 
I 'ip buay. 



-ErAi 
Ha aald ha muat 3. e=)k tc ycu alone • 



KLI NTBi 

^ Hopalaaa - surrena en n g) 
well, what's tha difference — all right. 

( TBNA erita and KLT^^^g oroaeas to the keyhole tc «•• 1 f "* ^ *" 

h ear what Bsgaa and ?1 e^ieraeyer are talkl ng about. Shakes Ms he efl 

t hat ha can't, eroaaes to extrene ^. and nits) 
Albert — Albert — wh«^ excuse - wh«»t ch, let It ocno// 

(■ AIBEPT -EAK enters T. He looks around cautiously, t- 1 q* 

first dees not aee Kll nke. KTTJr/.B looks uy) 



A'pr'Tt 
ludwlg, are ycu alone? 

KIT NKE: 
Yea, yes. ^o ahead. 



25/ 

ALBEHTi 
I must have a word with y.u. 



KIT ^H' El 
( Rl 31 ng eourag»ou'3ly ) 
Out wj th It/ T«ll n>e y.u know. You know who th» fath*r Is ? 



ALBERT I 
I *▼© CBrrl«<3 this seoret for ye«r« • 



KITNKEi 
What? And nev -r whj Siierec a wor»<l to my ••1 fe , 

( G raail nff hi a hand ) 
Albert, T ehould navar hava thought that of you. You know 
fomarly T alwaya d1 silked yotu 



AIBERTj 
(Al most 1 n taara ) 
But now It's bound to oorne out • 



KITMKSJ 
( Moved) 

Tlrie way he S3rmijathl «aa wl th na,» 



AI3r?Ti 
I've been over to ^tr , Tuoker'^. of f1 oe, "e hnn a copy of har 
telagram, A Inwauit -- there, on the first ooluran of the 
nawtpapars** 



KlINKEi 
Yaa, T guaaa further deoeption la, 



AIBE!?Tt 
Usalasa • But Tidwls, it •"a only falfr that the story be nac^e 
public with ItB extenuating o1rounst»noes. We'll sn- th^t 
twenty- fj va y ©are ago "Pi nk "^oial noes", 



KIJNKEi 
( Rl 9l n g ) 
Vac heaven's 8a>e, y u a1 n *t gol ng to niake ne al t here and 11 gten 
to that from your 11 pa? 



26. 

ATBERTl 
But you mist hear U from rae first, as you •ill »oon be hearlns 

It frca ell the world. 



Now he*9 getting ne«n again. 



ATBERTl 
She waa called the lightning Bug. Morning, noon and night 

that cl**! »a8 busy rehearsing and practising new ste.s, T be^sod 
her to go out to supper n»i th roe. 



KUNKEt 
You? 



AIBE^Ti 
Yes -- but she wouldn't, f?he oouldn't. 



KTTWKEi 
(OomlnF; to hJTa. layinr; nn arm on hi s shoulder) 
Yer,, T know — T know — always busy. Albert, you»?»e « 6Brn 
lucky fellow - ohe was practising new steps. 



ATBEPTj 
Rut she mad© an exception, 

KT.T^mEt 

fhat do you mean — ^n exoeptl on? 



AT.BERTt 
Stole a few minutes frora h9v work. 



KIi:,'K£l 
Stole? 



AI3ERTJ 
( Proudly ) 
T was the only rasn she had tlrne to reeet,» O'l Tuesday, Tiiursday 
•nd ??und?5y afternoons. 



2&, 
Kit r^KBi 
!$• — aft«p thft life I've load to even tW nk «uoh a thing 
poaslbl*. 



AIBERTf 
tudwlg, dt«r LudM s, T apolosS «»• Vnat. T ne^nt \»as, no man •xp«9t* 
to b« fcund out, I M forgotten ell about her • She told me ahe 
was goins tc rerne'tber me nf f?hrl gtraaa time • 



KT.TVKEJ 

Oh — gol nc to remember yt^u ? 



AIBEP7: 
She did • Thl a pi oture. 



D^apped In holly berries? 



AI'^ERTj 
By Oeorge^you've atruok It rl gjat. 



KiirrKE: 
( Taking the |< oture^ then looking at Alb ert ) 
Wonderful llkeneaa* 



AT BERT I 
VI oe prealdent of the League — vriiv^t tdll they Bay to ne ? 



KIT !!K Ei 
Just Ts bald headed as yr.u , 
(Turning OYer the p lot ur e ) 
Oh, i*iat *B written on thf? baok ? 

(Read a) 
■Hello Popsl e, how d*ye do. 
Here's a 11 ttl© Thri gtrma .^resent fcr yiu.* 
(fit arts to roar) 



AIBET'Tj 
How can you take auoh e aeti ous tW ng ao funny? 



29. 
KUNKBi 
(in between his la ught er) 
Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, 



Ihat could I do? A week before my raarrl«3e« Every month 
T •'ve been sending an allowance. 



KLiriKEt 

( Before laat aen tenoa 1 s off Alb_ej^JL8LJLl ps) 

How lauoh, Albert? I 'ni tertibly interested. How rnuoh? 



AIBEHTi 
Seventy doll are. 



(Crossing - In e traneport of .l oy) 
I always eald you were « rotten, bad, buslneaa raanJf 



AIBEHT: 
And worse to oome -- it*s goln^ to be doubled, ??he needs more, 



KITTJKEi 
(Playt nn the part ) 

Of oours© -- the ocst of 11 '/! ng has gone up. 



ATBI^T: 
If that Isn't exactly what she fired/,*,* '^cuble allowance on 
account of high coat of living, Tt '11 st«ird me a hundred and 
forty. 



KLirmEj 

And T set off t4 th only el slity eiollara. 



ALBR!??! 
What th': :"evil do you mean? 



KIIT^Et 

Oh, T got a picture just like you. 



ALBERTi 



KUWKEl 
And the B«in« nice poetry written on baok« 



ALBERT t 
ludwlg; For how long have you h^on oarrjrlns tW a evi dence of niy 
guilt? 



KTJTTKEi 
Slnoe trenty-flve years ago 'Tir* otmaa day. 



ALBERT » 
(A« It dawns on him) 
^tiat;.« 



KIT M^Et 
(PutM UR hi 8 ar rn agcimd_Mja ) 
Wa two got to at and together. No doubled allowance/,* 



ALBERTt 

(<s he ^'eallJgajO 

Th«n it JLa yo ur chl 1 tl.» 



Oh, no, Albe^-t - you spoke first, 

ALBERT f 
Nr, ludwi g, T .31 ve It to you. 



KITNKEt 
You 're al'';ay8 si vl ng away suoh nice IS t tie preaenta . T g! ve i t 
atrai ght baok, 

(Taking hln by the arm ) 
Anyway, he belonsa fi2££ tF^uu • T put up forty; you i,.ut up 
sewenty. 



AlBEPTi 
ludwi g, we're a oouple of Idlota, 



31, 

KIT iVKEi 
But always roaewber, d«ar Albert, you *re still thirty dollars 
mopo than raa • A«d Albert, T was so afr-ld to see you. Now 
ws 'r« partners — atancl together • 



ALBERTS 
Ko doubled allowance** •* 



Pown Mth th9 high oost of living/.* Tliat lawyer can*t prove 
two raen are both fathers, ^'e*r0 safe • 



ALBERTi 
But Banmf 



KLTNKEl 
Well you and T and Edward Hauser are the oommlttee to treok down 
the father. re 're safe . ?re two papas are the majority. 



ALB mTt 
Tsn*t ^t wonderful. 



KtllJKEi 
The rell ef ,* Hs ve a drl nk. 



ATBg:R?J 
T?ere, ludwlg, - here. T h»m -,1-- to your. 



KITNKEs 
No, AlboT»t.* Nonsense,* Te»re drinking to your. 



AlBERTt 
No, ludw! 3, T gave him to you. 



KITNKEJ 
Walt a minute,* Walt a m1nut»^, ''ear Albert, Why fl -ht- over it? 
Wa'll kill Mra. 



ALBERT I 
Kill him -- That do you mean? 



3S . 
KlTWKRt 
1»hy kill. 



Kill ? 



Mn*t fQ the raa5crlty ? The ohilclls d««d« 



AIBSRTj 
(Qraaplng Klli^e*s w! th 5oy ) 
tudiRlS* Iu<5w!5« ^^ have ycu wasted that wonderful brain on 
Bustard? lie ohl Id 1 s Oead, 

(After a moment) 
But Edward Hauaer. He ♦« on t.he oonaittee, "Phat*^!! he say? 



KITMr.t 

Ain't you and T the n«15crlty? 

(^th mo ok tr?i,-.ef3y) 
31 X ncntha ago, typhoi r? fever ended the poor blighted life. 



AIBE^Tj 
Hurrah, the ohllcl Is dead,* 



KlTNKEt 
T>rl nk - drl nk - dri nk to the dear dei;artedi 
(IE?IA enters 0.) 



^ SITAI 
Mr, Kllnke, a young roan has called^ 



KlINKBj 
Ihat sort of a young man? 



I.E?IAl 
He wa» here today and 1 yesterday. 



What does he want? On bust nesa ? 



No , 

(Sialll ns at th» thou ght of th» rcmtmcp ) 
I lDa^n« it»8 aoraethlng to dowlth faSly oatters. 



KIT NT? El 
F«ml ly m-ittera? 

(To Anbapt) 
FCJBlly mattars? T can*t 8$« anyone. 



ISWAj 
Oh, T think T know irloat 1 1 i a, After all this oonoerns your 
child. 



KLIMCEt 
(T«T^ fl ad ) 
What <51 r3 aha aay? Albert,' 



AlBSHTi 
Oh foolish.* Ycu'ro only nervoua today, 



lhat»3 hi 'K nana — you icnovr? 



Tas, - No©l, T heard •era aay !t 'a beoaasa ha wia a ThPl stmaa 

baby. 



XlINKtt 
(graa pl ng Boan) 
Albert,* 



ALBERT J 
(MaMns a bound to gat away ^, lat ) 
I •ft go! ng. 



SUNK fit 

(To_Lena) 
T won't see A?^0??«. 



34. 

Oh, Mr. K11nk«,thSnk cf tho trouble that'll oauae. Mrs. Klinke, 
•nd poor d»«r Oora — after all, r«n«rnbor, you *r» a father, 
(LEKA exjta 0.) 



KUNXSl 

Wy Oott, do 93 everybody knovj 



AIBEPTi 
(Who h'ia rua he d to doer T** l et ) 
CJoo'lbye.' 



(Calling frantl pally ) 
Albert/ 



AIBEFTl 
that •• the sood of a major! ty when the ohlld 18 here and all vb ? 
(Just aa KITWKS /teta to ex!t. ATBE^T elama the door In hie f « ce 
and exits) 

(gIT?7KS t urns t o find WOEl, gtant^lng f?« WOBt laiigha tlTHldl y , 
and stretohes out h! e ams) 



NOSI.t 

father,* 



My boy. • Hush.* Quiet/ 



NOEI,: 
Whs*l: the matter? 



KLTNKSt 
It 's a terrible shook. 

(Riaaroafdng through hi a pooketa) 
^o the de^/ll gives me a XuflJijpl eoa ? 



NOKLl 
_(lith delight ) 
Bu> you will rooei vc lae as a father shctdd ? 



35 
KlINKEi 
Rush** 

(Examines dcoi*s I« and H, to aee if anyone la li»tenlns ) 



NO EL J 
Mr, Tuok«r said h© was a very emotional raan# 

(To KUnks) 
But It oouldn 't "be delayed fot^ver • 1W s moment, half of 
heptJiness, half of sorrow, must come to every father • 



KLIWKEt 
T know — T know, Sut we were suoh a happy family, my Eraras, 
my Cora -nd I -- we three. 



And now the taree are four. Ycu have a son 



KttmBt 

Well, you don *t need to keep repeating that,' 



NOELl 
And. T shall always treat you aa 1 f you v?ere my regular father. 



Poor boy, he wants to be kl ncl, ''ere like me than his mother • 



NOSXt 
Only say that you ^-re perfectly satisfied with me. 



KUNKEf 
Well, dear boy, it »s pretty late to make any alterations now. 



NO EI I 
That's the silri t, 

J A side) 
I'm Jollying him up just as he said T should, 

(sitting on the art?, of Kllnke's Ohair ) 
Now I 'm aocoptod all around, 

(TmVA ng _K11 nke *a hart<1« flw<? (lanMng thaffl^ 
Ycu know ray naiae 1 s Noel -- T was born on '^rl stm'ijs ''i?y. 



30 • 

KumEx 

Don 't you euppoaa X know that. 



NOELt 

W«ll then 

"Oheer up Popaa e, how d*ye do. 

Here's a little OhtM straas gift for you.* 



i:i.i:7.Ei 
(Ruald ng to door I.) 
Hll you hold your tongue? 
(Peeks In the keyhole ) 
Thank heaven, they haven't ov<;3i'heard« 

(Joraeg down - looks Noel ove r ) 
The Image of Albert, 



NOELt 
Why do you look at ne so queerly ? 



KIT MEi 

T Tvin icoMng for the likeness? 



MO EX I 
That's ofd, Qu! t« a quantity cf people think they f! nd a 
reaenblanoe. 



Yes, T can eisrjly undorst^nd t:iat,' 



HOEI.X 
And thfr last thing mother tolf'' ~"- -'?i to be fium and sire hBf 
love tv. your vs* fe» 



Are you ora«y ? T *11 tell her —I'll tell her , >'y w! f e Is 
terribly busy just now, look! ns after the af fnl rs of the Purl ty 

I w ague. 



NO Ell 
(Proudly) 
So l8 my mother • 



37. 

KTJNKE I 
fhat? Ta sho a rne-nbar? 



NOEIt 
It eh*? J5h« •« preal f.lent of her looal branoii* 



That's a fln« league — I, Albert and t?ie Llghtjiing Bu^ 
that *s a fine Purity League, 
ClENA enters C ,) 



LENAf 
Mr, KlinUo, your w! f« «aya the water 1 s hot. 



KIT NT? E: 
Well run, tell her to keep it soal^Ung/. 
(LENA exits ';.) 



N0EI.1 
You see mother la so anxious that T 8houl(? raarry . 



KT.TNKE8 
T see. Is that ^-hy you oome to rae t 



Well, naturally, T^ ra* T nust get the fathor* •«? oonaont , 



Ye?5, T unf^erstand • 
_ (Aside ) 
m th It all a irery good obedl ent son. 



T hope you've nothing against it* 



KIT ^nc Ss 
No, - it 'o the best thing fur young folks 



38. 



NOStt 
(About to wabraoe hJ ra) 
father/ 



!>on't koep repeating thsti 

(Anxl ously) 
?5ee here , young nan 

(Glanolng around room ) 
control your feellnga, ny boy, Hmt do you do for a 11 vl ngt 



NOEIt 
I'm an Egyptologist , ^^abylon! an, Assyrian, 'Cuneiform 
wrl t1 ns, and ent i nsorl pti ona 



KLTNKEi 
Bosii.* You should have learnt a useful tr«c';0 where you oan eawi 
a good 11 '4 ng* 



NO EI J 
But mother always said to ne, "follow your own bent, my child, 
even If you never earn ^ penny. Your father la v*oh enough 
to always look out for you,* 



(between hi 3 teeth) 
Hasn't she got the oute Ideas nowt 



NOET.: 
(Laushi ng) 
And of ooursG, now that it's a question of ny narrla^** he '11 
probably settle an 1 nooae on me. 



KTTNKEi 
IR-iat'll happen next ? 

(Angrl ly) 
Te 'll talk that over - yet - the araount , 

(Cro3^ ng to C!, ) 
Te'll tellt that over - yet,» Those things a-e not so qui okly 
•ottled. 



N0EL8 
(To hlasolf ) 
Isn't he th« rneroontry roan.* 
(ALBERT BEAN enters Rj g-ht lat ) 



listen to me, luf^Mg,.... 
Exouse ne. 

Noeif 



A:.Esr?Ti 

(stares at him and turns t Kllnka aa t.iey oome down) 
fho i s thi s queer lookl ng oha- ? 



My dear /ilbert, don't vou 'knofr? 



ALBERT t 
Ts 1t ??? 



KIT N" Et 
It la 

ffhAspere it in hi a ear) 



ALBE??T| 
T? 1 1 possible? 

(Holds out his arras to Noel ) 
Ycu«.*..you are..., « .ay son* 

(Hugs hlo ) 



JTOEL: r 
(Su»*prlae4l * baeks awav and turns to Kll nke ) 
T say now, who la tide deraonstratl ve gentleman ? 



A relation of y urar 



4 0. 



MO Bit 
Oh/ 01 ad to know you « 
(Shakes Altert*a hand ), 



AIBERTi 
(ijplng the tears from his eyes — » raov«d ) 
And I to aee you , 

(Takes hold of Noel's ohln and turns hi in toward Kll n ke) 
Ttc you se@ that T mean? T^ie perfect iQagc or you. 



rJOBLl 
You're all quite a8toun<Tlng at fl ndln^ reaemblanoes. 



KLINTSt 
(Takln.? NO EI- by shoulder and turning aim toward Albert ) 
Nonssoiae, Look* You mi^st see It yourself. Your nose - 
your eyes* 



AIBERTi 
Anyway not a bit like his mother. 



re you know ray mother? 



ALBERTt 
Sll ghtly. 

(Tanking at KUnke ) 



Albert, you '11 be pleased to hear — she too beloncs tc the 
Puri ty T ©ague. 



AT.BERTj 
f^at? 



41 • 



Yes — Jih« 's only Proaldent of har branoJu 



lfanr»llou««* 



(01 roll ng his B.vm throutf i Albert's) 
And Albert — T know you'll be raore pleased to hoar, now that 
the boy is going to marry, his dear mother says tha*^ his father 
vdll have to settle an inoome on hlsu 



AZBBRTt 
The de<vll you say,* 



NOEJ^t 
(Oornlnr; to hire pleasantly ) 
Oh, a rauoh fatter dowry than mother reset ▼<»s. She aa- s it's 
neoessary the way the oost of living has gone ap. 



ATBE^Tl 
The hlsh ocst of li v) ngi And T voted the Bemocreti o tl oketjf 



So 6^d T . 

(!=!uddenly looking out the wmdom j 
There's Edward oon« ng«* Ooo'^^ Heavena - If the minority should 
oatoh the rna5or! ty tilth their son» 



AUIEnTt 
(To Noel) 



Wait here/ And don *t say a wct*d • 

KiirrKfci 

( To Noel) 
Better put on your ha' and hurry -• aeet me at noon at ray 
oftloe, 139 Merliet f^treut - we '11 have lunoh* 



42, 

ALBERTi 



1^ <!*ar boy/ 



KUW.Ei 

W*«ll artdo-traok Edwarrl nnd take him into the library. 
(starts to exit, auddanly yoollaots ) 

there's my life preserver? 

(Orosses to table * pi oka up oharcu KITfflCB and TEAN ex it 
haati ly) '^ " 



NO Ell 

iln a da«e) 
I wonder. T wonder if T •'ve done It rightly • 

(Pauses - thl nka) 
Still, they oouldn't have treated ne Mnder — if I'd been 
their -wn son. 

(ROSE enters ^ ,) 



Oh, my dear.' No«l, what's the matter? 



WO Ell 
T*ve 5u8t spoken to ycur father. 



w ell? 



mELt 
I*ra aooepted. Treated me splendid • He oells ne son already. 



ROREi 
(Elated ) 
Noel/ Oh, you 're i^ettlng to do things* eo wonderfully 
qui ok . Why 5ust thj s ninute T saw hJo eoral ng up the street. 



43. 



IfOSLt 
Oh no --' V had quite a oOtiat « Exoellent flrlendt • Ool ng to 
have lunoh together, this nooru 



Oh Noel, ray happiness la coraplete,* NowT j^ beli ove In fortimo- 
tellers* 



ROSLl 

I wonder if T can f1n4 ray way? ihat oar (fl^ ? ♦«^'«» *'^ «♦ ♦'^^ 139 
Warket Street? 



ROREt 
139 Market Street? Tlie IHlwavikaa Mustard Corapany??? Unole 
Kllnka?? T thou^iit y( u spoke to father* 



MOST.* 
He Is your father, Ian H he? 



Of course not, M- father la Edward H^uaer, the brewer. 



NOELi 
(Powi In the dianp s) 
nose.' Oh, T^osai I^ear heart, a rose al tit any other name 
would please ma 5u8t the aaina , And you 're not M! as Kli nke? 



(A bit sore) 
Pretty nearly time you knew my name, oonslderlns you 'ra goins 

to marry rna» 



TIC EI J 
Oh, what, a world full of trouble,' laot m grit T viref! my 
mother that at first 9\ s^it T loved ^ft ^s Kli nke. 



ROSKi 
Orettt h«av«rui^ - you •ll have to correct the n! stake — 
speak to ny father. 



KOELI 
(Terrl fl ed) 
Again? Before T do, I'll have to awallow another ohooolafee 
and malted lallk. 



But, dear heart, you were auooeaaful the f! rat tine — and nsy 
father — - 



r.!OEr.t 

(Exl ting ffi tn her) 
Oh, T always have to do twloe the work — to set half the results . 
fThev exit Om) 
(At the saiae time KIJNKE peeks In from I.) 



KllNKEi 
It 'a all rlsiit , Thank heaven, he 'a gone • 
(AIBERT BEAN and EPWARr HAUSBR enter from I«) 



EDWARDI 
Yes, I Juat hurried froiD your house, dear Alber't, to see 
whether you had any suoaeas In d! aooverl ng that worthless father , 

BEAHi 
Edward, you know ne — night and day I've worked • !^ut 
unfortunately - most unfortunately my best efforts have led to 
nc thJ ng, 

(Each aeoretly shows deligi^t ) 



KlI^TKEi 

And T -- T — T •'ve worked nyself si ok on this case • 



'15 . 

2ia'3n it s»4a8 to S35, ff^nul-xa&n — that If thr<i« ^mftrgotio 
aouls llk« ua oan unoover nothlnr. It au«t ija put doim.....^9 
in insolTatl© n^r^t-iry* 

(K LITgCE j]i .^LBg^- rsHev^-id tJmt EdWM»rt la >.oin^^ ho oaaiy. 

handled - nnd it lUtlv ^ju-s^il^d y it ) 



I thltJk thit^g .'A v-a^v fln« '^Mdc^&ntionJ What do you s^. 



l^f d^as* EllrjJc^, you took th« words out of nt.' raouth. 



All' n, .^^'sntl'irter?, if that is the opinion of \h>s aii^orx-^y, I will 
^« rlr*d to njakd ths report — nnariiaous. 

fCrogs»3 with a "broiM l 'smllQ* Hunrainr: a -^ac' tune bn^fta! hi? 

lips, h» i8 ttoklod th^it th^ are not oauslnr hla trou'^l'^) 

(Aaid» to Al^^rt ) 

It»s 'i wonderful thi?),'? to hav* a majority. 



And aa fo- th« ohild 



V^'i % a uffp; «wtt 10T» — I*v*i> h*?ird 

(yj. S-M^.': : put th^lr heafl3 tojjether) 



SdfARDt 

(Alanaed) 
ihatt 



It's aeoret wh«ro I hsard i^ -^<» - "*>^ th'srs's ;i ^^unor th^t 
the r>oor child is dot><? wi\.h th-a trouTil'so of llf«» 



Klinkdi — curious.' I h«*rd that id-wjtical B«w» frttra priv&ta 
aouroo» — that th« ohiM is daad* 



G*m%l<mfsr), \,h<cr-9,* <,,... Ai-^-^-i you^vj 'onooT^r -9(1 4 moat r«a*»iirine 



In fact 30 aur-i an I» th^t I'd b» almost raadly to raport that 
th^ poor ohild Whali do you fta^f, Albert? 

I don»t think tharo'i **wy questlonof it. 
(Anxio usly) 

But how do you fe«l, Edward? 



8«ntl«raenf a» tho grijat ABwloau dollar say» — In th« union 
th-sr* Is *}tr«5r?rrth. If l/hstt >>« th« opinion of you two 

iTH^.'i'bars I should oomsider It nj' raaor^od duty to raake th^ 
report — un^mlnous. 

(KLINICE :i>nd AUSHPS "braiithtt ri ai/yh of tren>?ndous reli ef — 
l OWAR!) oroaa^s oongrditul<^3>ins Miaaelf) 



(Qlear lnn hi n throat - OrJx.to>'lQal\y). 
Shttn, fellow a^iabary, - this oo.-Tsaitt*^ will r^-port — aft ^ -a 
6«arohinr» *y?*^^ prAlns-t?^:-cl»'i: ln-»(5?.tlc'*tlonj it Is unitele to 
tra0 9 « 8lnf:l« oluo of ih-> wcthl^^ari futhar. But w^i ar* ha;»yy to 
add, that a klnd«r - a X>«tt«r - «r - «r 



Provldfnoo ....... 



A klndsr ProTldanco h%a tak^n th© 'ihild — hoa» forsrer. 



% 0«orf?9, Klin-^-i, -jov should h-afyj Tssan Oily Alf*.*rra's.r.» 



J2akln{? ICll nk<»8 h«>d > 

I think, c«n!.l«n«», w« oan eonsr-^tulast^ ours«lY9a - w<**t« done 
a good dsy*8 work* 



47 



ALBISRI t 



(S vlnlnft his hand.i yjth th# oth^r two so that thsy form ^ a 

Arjd er)tlr«3c'- naAiafitovory — all around.* 

<A3 tho SHRKg jysSK atattid wi^h olasp<iitd h<iavls JaiiJ/A «nt«ra L. ) 



}fy d«ar "sdwsKrd, have you. 



Urfortimftt^ly, d«nr 32m/iJ%, even »e thr'«'» awe at our wits* ends* 
It would 8 i«« that th» mm rfi^T^ 5"»*rohinfj for, h^ws disaiypear^d 
tron th« f wjtis of th3 stirth. 



^0? f«ll then — I'll trill you. 



(Al^racd * to ITllnka ) 
Good Lord, 3he knows J' 



(2o -Meawl 
=JtlOk V :a« •• 



(Over --1 
How th^'U find sra out. 



You would n«var ^9U«T« It poJ3l>}l9« 



:c:DfAPJ3» 
Who la Itt 



48. 



A a-antoor of r^ own faKll^'. 



mtMis aw* 



(A«ia« to Albert) 



No, JM.* 



K'jWAR')! 
( Hia lipa .just au.itollnfr) 
Mt.' 

fJo ^^ama) 
Our family? 



ii w.: At 

Y«8. H*J «mf«»3'3d It h»r4 hlmell'. Unola Il«»dea«artr» 



AI3ERSI 
'i!jl«d«Bi«y«r** 



KLIJIKSt 
lied^m^y^r.' 

fiai^^KK Mid AI3E°T d ouU^ up with lftu,?3it9 r ) 



You, Anthon:/.* 

I fo:*oed hlia to coaf'JSil* *ow what do you sagrt 



C*o U 1.e<3qn<y«r) 

You ou(Tht ^o be ashioaed of youirj'^lf , Anthonj^.' 



ALBSRTi 
2i«d«nw;'<!>r, I n«V;ir *yanti to lool*: otj your wioic »d fao* ^tiin« 



49 • 
And fiS for me -- las -- 2te(l«m»yer, I*ra too ibdv«<1 to si)«adc. 



BKf4At 
( As ah<i exits ) 
low, I*ll rinfr: t;y th« ladt-ifl of the Bx90utlv«» Board HXid 
th» whol9 town shall knosr. 
aS2cit.a_as_ 



Si«d«aiv«^» what* 5 the .We-aiinf?? Ara you shouldering the 
"blwie to 83!,v« ittttf 



Oh, T.udwlfr, t oowld ^luf.r you, "but I oo>aldr?'t blnff that wlfs 
or :/ourii, I'y.5 1i8i8Ji .i(«>o^'8taj'- oavryln^ on-s of thor,^ ploturts 
for twwty-flYc yaara «- smd a mdlsc ^txty dolL^a 



Z«n doll««r3 ohtsapor th^i? m«i 



(SloklM) 
I'm still low n^m* 



f!h9V. you oonf^sssd y^st-ardi!^ I thou.'^nt that »?aE at' "sriSiy out -- 
80 I kept Taucin. Up to y«it«rday I thourht I was th^ onV 
guilty ond. ^Cx'» ^9 swora, that 3h« aad«» an ©xoayilotj lr> «f 
Ojj»« -- th'kt fo-^ rtt," saJza -Jhe istole a f<9w mlnut*?! f:*o.'a iA?v 
reh'J.-wsalfl — froia %9r> tc t^elva In tii-s raornins* 

Oan you "beat itt 

('\nfrrlly ) 



But 7?ow, don't th1.t).^c I'm .'joli^'T i-o t:^}:^ th«» "blam^ aXors/h^ 
Ludhrl^, you've oonfsssad to »»* — you'ye cot to »h«*s lt« 



5 0. 

If I haye to shar« U, Al'^y«rt has to 8l»r<i it too -- lie 
conffiaaed to in«w 



CTUcld^JMj y faoigf; th « t>rQ'^' ^^ith aelf rlrhtaouawanft) 
What/ Sh9 threat And I*V3» "b^ « ««rvlnc on the S8ia« 
ooaraitt-i^ wl'J^h you thr«« r^probatsa^ 



!)on»t 70U tiy to c^te ■'J'i* i'^'SNc,' — tr-:* thro<» ^ira a siajoritj''* 
And look tfJvit it 00. ot iw« :Foi*ty - .#. 



• * * * • 



^Ixty , . - . . 

Oh» Sdfsrd, otick with V4« — aoti® dsiy you ja-^y r»«9d « fri«nd/ 



(R '»-tfflt ^rinp; ojooit adly ) 
I'vti piioTsad - i:-ion«=;d vhs nawtj to SA»sh of th* wom^n on th« 
oo,Traitt4f and thsy'r* ^oing to find ths child. 



KUHJCiit 
Vy d«ar i*'xaa — wait, ^vait — yr«Ji?ar-> for a shook** 



What do you m^iiii? I'hat thd poor ohlld i.s 



You'v« <-U'3as«d it from vsf/ vo ,!.«•!. 



ALBJSnai: 
D«3d/ 



81, 

Y«s«, hs hats "bean -"axhoro/l to hl« fathers ..•*..•• 

fThrowr h door 9 , ^HL i* stm ap:?ro^gh.l5.g»-^-? ^'^ ttrrinr liin 
on. 7l'!idd«fiii' 3ha puah^a him i ato rooa and dlaappoars 
down h%li»ay) 



Pl«a5» «xoua« raa if I diatur"'! you» 



(■?urioua) 



2h<» devil/ ^liat coiuQa noi»? 



(To Kllnke) 
to*. Klinlc^, !•▼« 2c«le an awful mistaik© — I find you ar«j not.. 



What? 



WOEtt 
C l ookin.'? ground ,J!53iAr.r*ai3iiiwJ ) 
Oould an;/ of you tell n* whioh on^ i9 ?ir» Hau.i^r? 



fho ar*3 you, sir? I*ni Hvastr. 



(^tr^o hlnp! out hla ktos to hi m ) 
yath«r/ 
fHurra hj 



?rovidtjno«.' 



B2 . 

Wo won<l<sr -~ Ji-j -/aa -.1:'^ i 'ja^iixanuQ* 

Arsn't you colnc "t-o reo^lv? m» as a father should? 

fho told I'ou to oall as rHii-herT 



melt 
Wh/# th«<t«3 what Mr, L»»wif»«»?09 Tuok^r. 



(sinklnr Into ^ i^hilr ) 

My Go-l, h«»ri 'o-r.^i-jy ^2 J^.' aair'-rt. .T told lilra th-* whole 3tory 



■j-h-ir you •«- you — aur»<i "uho l-idi-aa cortnlttoa -- ^n■:?.•*r«» 

8pre*dlnc th-:» wrone news. 

CttM t«tt8 0,) 



Bdwardy whA do<)a this uxiaa? 

I — r«iB the adsolne Unic — I'm th« raisaing fifty. 

JOllKat 

WiTt? 



Listen. — Tvcnty-flve years '*co on V^ond^, '/wdnasdi©^ 
anl 'Jr'i&ay afternoon. ...... 

(ALl tlr>r««i aen Int^rruj^t hlra) 



53. 

I {{ot off %h-'j oh9ap9an;- I»«nd n» a p<fnoll. fh^re'a Kt'- fountain 

It ooat ma*..*,... pen* 

C Tho K^UR ^iSII g e t b\isy Tsayyotflnp- pgnoila and pulling out 

th« baok of onylopar> to \p»lt» on) 

ICLINOt E^WAR^I XXSDEEHErER: AIB.IiRSs 

12 tlnos 40 tln«» 12 tlni'3« 50 tlraes 12 tlxa«J 60 12 tinus 70 

26 25, tliftss 25. tin^)8 25. 

(laiyjG-: ficurlng ai^^'^^'l^," --^ c hlng his. ht'Sta. ^^"-^^-^ burl §4 
OY^r hla I'ifn^raa. Ignn^ai'jr-?^ looking up XT) \uv air to ^ Q 
ffl>3ntal atrlth^ragtlo. ;Ai:j?5?^ bitlnr: the wd of his pwnoil, «« 
AV. iiP U R ?IEN workinff iv^tloatlly whilo WO<g. g^a^it on ^n 
■ tbaolut'S 'b«yllf!erCT'^>r!t) 



12,000. :5,ooc, l«j,000. 21,n-o, 

Qurin.<^ tha foxl-jylng th^3 jjcpr^salon of -Mh airr tamat ba 

dl^tlnotiY^. KXIHKS slta 'b^k^ flnprars m a^Tsiioiea of 

hi?! vagt^ tlokldd at fr^ttin?? off th^ aha'»p3»at. .t:';'i4^*) 

no^^lnr lend y*oo'kirtc to and f^"^."^^*^ P -^'^ ^^'^ ^^ ^^** ^'^_^'^ 

T loolt :»s rauoh ti to a'^^/t '^/qu'"^ Ui'j 'olr!^ t«!t inQlc-^r o, '^ na 
all" - Xh^n an ha .tur'O'i -tfid ^*>js ?^L.TN7<l!: gaallincy his who 1 » 
f)*ol?»l 'sxprosion oh^^ng^a ^d hs 6lnk9 hla hii^nls in hi.^ anaa. 
AIBEHgy !*ftar pjf^Xtnr.xh^ "H-^, h^J" from eaoh ono of th^ n, 
turna his alrift.i'-' way, d>*oy^ p^nrttl and patp'ir and alts b^ k 
iy> hopeless do^leetlon." t/^anwhlls, NO id, who h^s llgt^T^a d 
as In -A 'iaa » too fright Jnid to gp^sait, ^^^^^^**/^'^^^J^^ .^V? ^, 
if to exit. H's> r\xna plumb Into th^ summ 01 tAw/taWug -^ TO/JSR 
who la uterine) 



TfOSIt 
Fo^ th<9 Lord's »alce, who ar* th9»« four book-ksepfrtt 



•liy, Jti^' y^o-j, th^''r« y^\xr< i*n<iestor5 — thiQr'r* your Zout*. 

■?.^-V.n.r".a» 



U B S A I N . 



E. NASH. 




PS 

f\S22}\S 



BROADWAY, 

or. 37lh Street. 
NEW YORK 



THE HIGH COST OF LOVING 



ACT III 



TK3 HIOH OOfll O? WVim 



Am III. 



^mi^^i^v^j^.^^m^f^^M^^ 






JAN 29 1914 
©C!.D 35SJ0 



-f- A S III, -t- 



3I300VSRJ>> AI3SR2, cDWAR3, XiaPPtSygR taoh putt, lag 

thtlr «iry»lop<i with oalQulatloas ^» 'j;^^ ^^'' 
Inaidt vst pook<it> M thg rls«, KUHKB 
r«>»^>nfrs 0« Hla ooAt ausadd, hla Imir 
ruffled* 



Out.' !•▼« thrown hln out. 



ALBS?!? 
Thrown hlra out? 



KUmZt 
Sh« front door. 



(Rising, gottlag his hat) 
Now I nust GOt hold of ly wifo - put th<» whola tlajBis on liodo- 
m^ar. 



But l9t n» 8>icc8»t . . . . . . 



KXIHKKi 
2i9d9mis:r9T, you*vo taado snough su(;(;««tloa8« You tfam stand 
th« Tjlsrae. Ain«t you th« T>aoh9lort 



ATOB«t 
(Aa hg pr«t3 hla hat aad oeat - tO giod« '8y<r) 
You f^ to 90IW othar olty - out W^st - tha wilds of panada 
•^outh Araerlea* 



And to ra-ikQ It np to you « don*t w« p-iy you the ?»llow«no« w« 
f onaarly p^ld her? 

You profit \5r the hlf^ oost of livinc* 



(An ha fills htn gookaita with olgara) 
Ooodby®, daar ElinJ:*. 



( With a daap sirh ) 
Peru - Brazil • in aiy old dityH - BrHsil.' 



Non*?W3«.' Ood'a own oountry* Sh^y rai)5« th« finest mustard in 
tho world* 



I don't know wh9th«r lt'« worth the raon»y< 



Cora'3 on. Ooodby«» 



KLIWCiis 
(.Again m^rry ) 

Mow v.p In IV y-on - toar up th« reoijipto - >;urr? up the piotur-j 
iind whaw — — I'n a frsa toaiXi ac^n. 

(gliJDigll^raR. a3WAR3 and ALBffg start to door 0. . KLIIIKi: 
oroanoa to doo^, R»-) 



Writ* to n» 9oraftlno — In Braadl. 
ClW:Yexit) 

( .Tuat *8 KU^^ opffis door^ P« he ruaa into CX>RA hit %rd 
goat on) 



00'? A: 
Papa, wh«re you ru^^hinp to? 



It's all rlrjit — th9 country's n'vr'id* Mo !i»r« worrylnp over 
th«» hlfh O09t of living* 

(H^9ruah'»9 out) 

(XiTWrih st^ds s»tartne ift«r hln, IKHA 4at«*9 0.) 



8. 



CORAl 
ten*, 1» n^ "b^ paokodt 



LSWAt 



cr^A: 
tiona - not ^t word - • not ev<sn to Ros**.*.' 



Cora, - ffoing out - wh«*«t 



QORAl 
Oh -«r - jtast otst. Oh, Ro»«# at laat I'v« gotten rid of him. 



R0S3I 
Rid of whom? 



?X>RAt 
'i'h'it fflllksop professor. I saw it from .^ window - f '*th«r thrnv 
hira out. 



RO«JSs 
ffhHt did h« do? «Bh%t???? 



OORAi 
SChrtw him out. Bag and T3Ji{'^i«g«t 



RO*^Bi 
He«Y«n» -— did ho hurt hln^elf? 



TJ2*JA| 
Hot n!uoh»..«H«ff 9 3iioh a ni«9 boy* And h« S9<«raR to mean rifrht. 



(ffiuinp aiway th» f ar» ) 
Z should thin}c h9 dodti* 
-CQQaA_a»d_ t.HWA look nft h«r aurprlsod) 



tSWAj 
Oh - ^ 



OORAj 
thy, Ro8«, I no'vw suspeot^d for a s«oond« 






ue^jAt 

Hia last wo'-da »«!•• » h«*d ooa» "baoJc if h© dl^d In the att«a;>t. 
(WOSf^, a Uttl a th« woraa for hag'd usaeo< parrying hla 
trw«lline '^^,, «ift«rs 0, at ou«t Mlad*, M« oom«i down) 



una I 

And h'^r-a I msJ 



R0*3Si 
Vo«l<' 9hat do<».ilt all lasan? 



How should I Jotow? I want to your f»th«r - Just Uk» you told 
a« • and nrstoh^d out i^ arm? and •....* 

R0«5Sf 
J^ust lilc« Mr. 2uok<^r told youT 



Exaotlj'. ?r«ol3«3cr»' 

Ofeeatli'ltd) 
^d th« four of •era - th«!y siU a9«B4d to hwre a (jrudgt 
a(i;aln»t st9* 

(MlaAi!ia323y) 
•her, I've nw«r doti« anw^one any harra — In in/ whole life. 



Ther« oan't "be. I narJc^d fjvjry dlreoilor? down on bv ouff. 



May!)* you oh-injjod your shirt? 



f ^^howa har ths QU fl) 
S3« And now 1: m on vv w«y ^o th«9 d»:>ot« But I couldnH 
leaT« without a resp'iotful (joodibye. Sh;*!! w* n«v«sr a9«t sc*in^ 



Aikl we w«r« coing to "bo so happy* 



KO'ilT 

f« mlr.ht haye 'baoB tho Ouyld and Psyche of raod«m tln-Ja. 



WOHLt 
W« oould h-«V9 »«t th« world an example* 



H03St 
ffe were eo oonponial. ^^ were never golnp to quarrel or flftht 
(QORA aotloni T. J^A to leaye the lorera alone. Surln?: .foll ow- 
t WR they sva-'d 'a mwiiieBt looking at them, then softie^ tiptoe 
t o the door ■* .lust aa N^SL jnd RO*^S kl9s they f?lYe eaoh 
o ther % look of aanaaenent and slip out) 



Life w«»a to ^e on-? long liner «^nR kl^s. 

(RO '=^g Ijya her hiwd on hie Up* ) 

And lei ^8. 

f Ki^see he r) 

And ]£l38 — 

(Same play) 



R0<5Et 

(ni ch i ng) 



NOJiL t 
And I had plotur«d it all «io wond<9rful. Our iiHrrl^e. 

Our honoyinooa* 



ffe w«p« to spsnd d^v* »n<^ days, hsind in hand. In th« %:pti{W 
iBuseiiia. w» war a to sit on th-J aofa, and I was polng 
to t'Sll you all about O^r.^ish and Ptolan^ the II* 



Ih^ flcn of Ashurlsh the IV, 



Why, you Icnow ALL ^out th-snf 



RO<?s» 
I*V9 "bean very "buny th^n* last few d*icrs« 



M«fitinr nfir rri«nd8 for nt' ^aka* 

jHueaJwr) 
Ah, Ros««* 



ROSSt 
No«l/ 
_r5Ch§y_ola»p ) 

( KLIWCB awfrs 0. with "bundlo of v%v-i^n, wailing with 
rali»f. '^ddanl ;:,- looka up at th« sotuad of th» ki «a ) 



TOinjCSx 
foil, if that donH beat th« Uutoh/.' 

(ROSS ruafli^s oxrt. -^» KLI^gCE^ eaoitgd l. y to Ho al) 
H«h7 This? What? «h^t i» thist 



7. 

Most I 



A kl39« 



KLZXOi 
Like I didn't n^fi lit ^oh a nulsanod.* Aa If two mlnut«» 
ago I didn't ha7« you throw? oirt. 



^tir«l:/ tanju8tifi<»d» You didn't cIyo me * ohano« to axpl&ln 

(Angrily ) 
I'm loslnc «t/ patlraoe. 



1C«, ;,oo/ Wh%t you mean V ^^oh oarxyinKs on^ tr^r* - klsains 
Ro3 9.' And fTood old Sdward, you oall hln "f«th«r*. 



W«ll, that's qulti oor^oot. I want to m^rry Hose. 



(In a rHK «) 

What — you — wamtf You — you --•• H^v^ you turn«d oraay? 
You don«t '5 3'«3 to '♦salla-d who you ar»« I don't allow that* 



You aot '»3 If you hid soa« oont?*ol over n»t 

(gSJA'^ ^/nioa hjard off Octlllng: "Ludyic**) 

Emraa.' Uy wife* I oan't lat her s-ao you. 



MOjSLt 
Whj' nott 



KLlNJCSt 
(Ir>'ltf*ted) 
Don't "be «o fearfully inqulBltlYtt* Oo in th-sr j. 

-X2y3ji«8_Jl I'll off_T.. ) 
Her-^'a your rrrip- 

(Shrows^ it 'ifte r hlra « oloa'as door> iatnd oro^^S'sa wit h a broad 
amllt to gr<»»t 3M!A who enters 0.) 



SMJSAl 

LudwlCf ah h9r« you »ir#^ tudwlc^. 



KUWCWt 
( OTardolaff his aasuraed affaot Ion ) 
fhi*t an I do for you, iv lUt.l'i cold flshT 
(His f^'iB Htray toif2Wds th« door, L.) 



I Just oon^ tvon }5dwa.*»d*9, H« l? bwido hiraa^lf. In our hou3« 
3uoh thlntrs to happen, 'jrh^re Is that yo^inc: roanv Wher-i's 
he f^ne to? 



(Oaiay) 

I should wo>'»y.* 



KLINKSj 



SMMAs 
•hat did ha a«an t:sr oalllne Edward *fath«*r*? 



(W»rvou«>Iy ) 

Aoh/ pot a bad hikblt of oallin^ p9opl>, f*th«r« 2?«ry"bodi''. 

H^o nd, too* 



$0 yout 



EMjai 



JOIWC-^i 



(Mor f nvr vou a) 
Y«8, Ho - he cot a mother. So he'd li3i»s - --ou oan't blajM 
hlra - !*lao to /5«t a fathsr. Ev«ry\/ody got a father axoept hia 
I don't Jcnow, lost, stri^tid or atolon* *?o ho icoops calling 
everyone he oeotJj - fmther - father - f^ithftr •— and h« ho]^e» 
soraeone will pp<sa!< ;jp and aay "I'm it». fell, h« rot no 
luok and or - or - whsm he saw Bdward — Ahi that was ^ust the 
kind of a faithor he ^l^^aar* wanted* 
(Crossee) 



E»JJ!A: 
But Edward ought to tojow of thl«. H* wd his wife ar« all 



KUTOCHt 
(Ql^ to rat an «au8 » to «xit) 
I *o rieht and phone to him. B* ri^ht b^k, n^r little rold 
fish. 

(Exits 0«J 



mmAx 

Th^J'e's somothlrts -siiboiit hlia - there's sojMthin '' H"bout that 
fellow Kllnka — kind of ,% fish;' story - so anadous to ph»ne- 

f A pr^lQCgC .'it do ore T. ) 
fho»3 knookln^f 



(Heard offi 
It^s all % ml*3take» I ahan^t artacr here. 



mmkt 

Who l8 that? 

fOpens door ) 
that? You, youDfT raan? What do you wsint here? !r*9 ain't prot 
no fathers. Who ^e :'ou iswywyt 



(yishing a oard out of hla ^oJcet ) 
Noel Burnhaau 



mma 

Bumh^ua? Kot Hoolt M>*thllda*« eon?tt 



, SOELi 

Certainly.^ 



EMMAl 
(Alm> 9i, jwhfowinj^ her arm^ aroun d hita) 
W[^, I*Te been expsotlne: yov. "sino^ yeatsrdacr'* 

(Looking -xt his vai l s e) 
I didn't see yo»ar valise "before* Sid you juat jMUatT 



10. 



NOStt 
I was just try Inn to ffo? 



Oh» you nwatn't (?o» 

Soma little aliiua<&«r8tf»ndina« it* 11 ^li^^b^ txplalnod* 
(JCLINKjS awf ra 0. and «««a BMHA holding !lo«l'» hand) 



lOIWOSt 
Wall - wh^t th® dwil? 



Ludwis, why didn't you t«ll w» who h« wast 



You know? lawni . you found outt 



Of oourae. I arratrrfr^d It ^11. 



You? 



It w*3 to "be si surprise .for you. 



A suri)**i3«? It ia.' 



Wmr, I l»vit«d hia to ooa» hora. 

KUNKBt 
You? 



SfllAl 

Y«B* I «3ep««t<>d hin • hi« »oth«r h»d writtan ra«« 



11. 



KUWC'Ji 
Do vou know hi^ aotharf 



I told yott 9h« did. Dldn^t I aiak you to glr© hor a^^ xnoth'*r*s 
lova — ani you atuok «« In that oth^r roon. 



Oh'' And I jiroai^dd his iai>th<jr 1,0 tr»«!b iAn like ^ 01m «on. 



(Aa he oroT^asa ) 
If she on-li^ knew, who %h^ mothsr «i«ally i»» 



(Ai>oloirrg t ioally» to It oel) 
!,!y husband"- you know h* - oarel*j»«j - "but ho don»t n«M) to 
harm >>y It. Yotj jauat "be our ru^ot* 

NOSLt 

Kl^iAt 
Now dontt -sajr % "^ord. You»r« coinc ^o atijr rlrht here* 



2h«b»a what I told him. 



NOKLi 
iut ^r - - 



Why, we wouldn't let you go for anything In th9 world.you»ll 
te very iKvppy to hflive him with U3, won't you, LudwlgT 



^o'i.hirtg oould make ae hapi^ler. 



I2i 

TJ2U\» 

Utb* Klink9, th<3r«'s a la4y for you In th« parlor* 



Kxoustt me 'x jaoraent* !!?ow not amoth'sr word, I'll put. th« 
guost room in ordsr. 

(Xo EllTik a) 
Mow, LuJwlg^raako up for your lapolll* w -ass. 

loa^e It to fm. 

(KxlUnc) 
I know you oan porauado hlra to ■^t'jer. 



( WaiL urruM IgrJ.U hta rron^ out. Q^) 

You llttla dtvtl - you (to% to get out of her*'? - a tr?d.ii l«av'9»«. 



You're 9xp90tinf: too rauoh of jo^j • f l-^t I'm d^twrraln'^d to sm 
Rose's father. 



l'h«n wJx/ dontt you f?o harsis around his iiou«« • riftht around 
th* oom'jr - 343 Ohsstnut Ttr-s-at* 



( irittn(; on his oiiff) 

342 Chestnut ^".3«t - »iiii - now I*v» i^ot hi3 nurnber. 
(AL-'^.ERg ^ntf>r8 through poroh door. Right Pront) 



Morn's t 

Your wif9 waa on th(5 sti^a, tudwl.^, "30 I s i^^.-^d in "by tha 
poroh. 

(3udd«ly_«piying^ 1lo«l) 
BoT B«ok a^aln? 



A r^c^lar load jKtriny* 



343 Ohdstrmt '5tr'9 9t — I'la. 



(0«^tir?r? In front of h la) 
Mo, you don*t a«« at,' ariXe — If you go — go t^- tho poroh door. 



f^qa^inff! to ward a door Right yront ) 
Isntt th«r^ a drug »tor« ground h&r^i - if I rertoeabdr rlrJhtt 



KlllKSSt 
Oii« on the eorn«r» 



HOST. : 

(Jjcitlng) 
Firsts sTisdl swallow a ohooola!t« and malted railk. 



KIIHJCSi 
(To Al>>trt) 
««li - w wife knowa «*I1 ntoo^Jt it. 



AL'-JERT J 
Hln? Ih« boy? 

Sh9 Invited hln. 

What 7 Irapo ■isl'ble.* 

no% at all. nho mat hla moth -jr. 



Whan? WheraT 



ALBHat 



K'LlWCSt 
How should I know — ona of her trips to N<»w York. 

Th« Llf^tnins Btag.^ 



His ffloth«r. 



But your wife don*t know wiw sh** form^urli'- waai 



Of oours j T»at. 

(With a r,l\m fstfst) 
Sot :.'«t/ 5on*t you "*«« She Llj^rhxnlng Bug's adh«r!j«? 
Jlmt she works to get th» aon In h^dr^^ Voole w wif«» 



Sh-d oould te^h tho deril trloke. 



}CU^^CSt 
The next thine *^ know, we'll have her herself - the Lifthtrinir? 
Bug.* 



By roily, KUnke.* 



On our h'Anda, And >iOth hire - — living ric'ht in our houee 
then she h."%8 us In the jmIw of her hand. 



ALBaat 
fh*t*» to "ba done? Yield to the hish ooat of livlnct 



X9* 



No. On« of uo has cot to go strisdcHt in ^«w York/ 



And ««« h«rV 



>XINK3« 
Yen - ind you'ra th« ot!*?» 



BSAKi 
1C«T W«w Yorht 



Y««, you, g-a© h«r/ After t'*' «Jty-f ly« y«ar» I wouldn^t know 
h«r fron th« sl<a« of a tarn — so you 



ALBBT^l 
Either would Z* ^ha*» ;)roij!^ly fat and ohrmged* • • . . 



W«ll, alWft you got her nain-t? — Car>»t you ^udc for h«rf 

AtJ53TaCt 
But Th« Liprhtnlnc Bug* 



JOIWClSi 
C lra->>tl'9ntXi O 
!)on»t txlk 80 loud hor^ - oo«» In th<» lltrirj', Yx3u»ll "b** 
ablo to find hor» 



AL^S«i 
(I?-rltably ) 
Well, what ciood will that do? 



that? I'll tall you. You either got to Tsuy h»r off 
or kill har off* 

(Xh<cr adt In llbrfuy^ L« ) 



10 < 



(M tha same tla p, UTHA e nt «ra ^teoiaJlj jri-th^h^r^aaF« 
H stout » middle-ag ed^ dowdly draag 94 jroman ) 



SMI 'At 
Wall, w dear Mrs. Biarnhaw -this is a surpriss. And whors^a 

your hustand? 



M.MHITJ)A: 
He stopped in at tha drup store. I left rif sllrer purs© on 
the train, and he wanted to phons ira^oedlataly to th^s l©8t 
and found office. 



EiiUM 
So t^ike off your things, It»s »uoh a surprise to see you. 



Didn't you sxpeot ae^ Why ny son wired he had fallen in love 
with your daughter at first siftht. 



BMMA» 

ffhatT 



Here's the wire. 



*'ell, it all must haT« happened yesterday* Cora never 
whispered a wo'^d to jse. 



IWSHILrJAc 
Isn't that like younf? people - so seoretlve. 



mukt 

I suppose thay settled it therisslves and wanted to wait till 
yon 03109 30 es to tell us tOftiether. S^eet of them. 



MATHILDA J 
LoYely of than. And whit does your hus'band say to w son? 



17. 



I didn^t «vs?i toll hi« irhy Wo«l wai* coming. It'll b« 
oon^l«ta surprl9«« 



R«*12yt 



KllT?ke h*« 5uoh qiU!j«t« ld«a«, OnJc- .y wt isr d t^j^ h*) was sg^'ln,'? 
natohog njid? "'x/ Jaoth-jr*} ifsre all rl.'*h^ in th'j old country, 
Tjut Amarioaa cl?*!" ought to "be allowdd to do th'3lr own 
ohoo^ing. 

(ConflOgntlallv) 
'■^o 1 told Tij,^ broth ir» about It - but I was '^ort of al"r«a.d 
to l6t Idinke know tsii^ I had invited Ho*!. 



But now wh-n it's all t\.!m€d out so h%ppiV»»»«» 



Oh, h«'ll "bs ovtr^oarad. Iv.dvle's a cood f*llow -- but a 
vlf« hri» to know ^ust how llttl« ah« n^^n tell her husb?tfid. 



You know I think I've rant, him. 



% hu3"b»n<t? 



Y«n, :4 3 a younp; r:irl — about twynty-i'iT«i yo?*r3 afjo. I t^ll 
you how I happen to ra:33iabsr« J,^* d«%r fathar took hi« on •» 
trip h«**» to Mllwauke®. 



Se.^" old tTudc9 PaoJ^ara. 



:.m'HII!?A5 
Wall, I not your hua>iiwd - h« '^tt'5 &»insl« th«n» And I 
rara«ral>«r 30 well - Jx9 was trylnr: to show sm soaw dancing st«ps« 



19. 



Ludwi(; — ta^ nustard tXvnd — I n9-v9r iai«w h« had any danolac 
in hi 9 bonm*; 



Oh« It «9«BS that a oouple of W99k9 ^tfort ho had l«am«d 
some Tid« st^pft from a r-^euliir, professional danoer* 



1^ tudifie? 



MASHXLDAi 
And hd «raw9 trying to toaoh hm all th«it h9 h^ learnt « ffo 
had 8U0h fun, Aftor tw«niy-fiT« yeswa I wond«r If ho'll 
r«aan\}«r th^ oooa^lon« 

(tUDfiG p^»3cit through door Z» — SMMA oatilhaa him) 



mmAt 

Ah, Ludwis - tudwig.* 



Y«a, Bj^ A<}ar. 

(KtllP^S olo8»es door - iitgnala AtBgRT to stiy thero and 
ooaa down) 



Ludwi/r, 

(Volnt.H to Mat hilda) 
do you know who this ist 



f Looklfiar at h er) 
Ho. 



SIMAt 
Mow tako a £^od look, dvaria. 



(Aaido) 
I don't lilco her 9«««ti9 ton#» 



19. 



I'd romonibar you :x% ODM^ %f, Kllnkd* 



mmAt 

Wo-/ think — think hard, tudwiff- 



KXIWCISj 
(Wgrvoua ) 
Aoh7~^iiS# todafir — today, I cot no h9ad on »•• 



MA2HIT.")Ai 
Woll, CO 'bHOk twonty-flva ysiars. 



Qjiaad) 
2w-3nt;/-flv« 



Oh, f;iT« th<9 poor a«n a olue»* 



M.^'Htt.'^At 
!)on»t you -TQTti'mtvr rttr danoln;^ . 



3ano«T That stsp//** 
Oh, it oaa't \i9 po ?itlbl«.» 



?1A2HIL!)A« 
Y«^, it Is. And I do 'f^ant to thank you for "being «o Rood 
to n(f son. 



Your aon? 

©CM! 

Noel. — You »flr3 jua. tiU.klne to hla* 



KUHJCSt 
•hat — you — aro — 



Yea — Ho«l is nf XUtl<» Ohrlatmas ^aV» 



Or««t heavana.' The f dually 1« ooapl«»t«« 



HMUAi 
(go ?5rtthllda) 
Ooiapl-yt^r' th«in h«? Icnows, A lovelc/ «nfj^3jB'«nt« 

(SS-KilnM) 
You didn't 9Xp^Qt to ««« h«r, did you, ludwlc? 



Mo/ "but nothin/? surpriaaa n» any loagar* 



I ROt to ring u:> oonwi of Oora's friends --— 

/ go Mathilda) 
!• U 3 0« ^>^%t your room is all rirJtit* I gu<»ss you ar»d 
Ludwip: 



llAi'IiXL'^At 
Oh, >*9*11 ha-ve (irr^at fun talkinc^ ov<sr old tiuwa. 



(To Mathilda) 
Hudih*' Not "bof or ntr wif flb 



No^hin;? I lika so muoh as Goa^^a^ in th9 housa* 
i^cita 0. ) 



( Angrily ) 

fell-'.' Yo\ir tolocranJ wasn't «noufJi • th« hirJi ooat oi' 

Living? - you had to oome yours -alf* 



80. 



31. 



thy, your wif* has ort«n Invitad itM>« 



Kummt 

An I fjolnf? oraaiy? J4r«t nln falls on th« hoy^s n«J0K. 



MA5:HIL'>Ai 
Ara you sp^aklnr? of w "on? Oh, th-sr«*3 solnp ^o f;? a ^oa* 
•urijrise for you, tm<i ^ -vx-JiK/' ona* 



fhar'S would I c®^ ^i^' h:v^)in«g8 from? 



MASHILDAt 
Ah, "but- this oonc^rn!* th« future of our ohildren* 



KTJNJCSt 
Our ohlldr«mv Kow do I Jcnow — forty - fifty - sixty 
swenty ---- 



MASHIWAl 
What do you msanT 



Mward, Al>>«rt - 2l«d«Ea<^'3r. 

MASHIL'JAt 
that *r« you t%lklii!» *bout 7??77 



Ev«ry iBlnuta h« s«t9 isnoth^r f^thtr,- h« has four now, 

!ilASHItt^A« 
Mr, KllnkaJ thin n»ay ^« <* joJc«. But I'm not us«d to -joJc^s 
of that kind. 



33« 
Mot 



WOiHlWKt 
And not dvan Is yotxr oas« will I !aak« am 0xo9pt,lon* 



3«^, la«v9 MM alon9 - yo\i'Y« jBMida 9nourh •xo«i)tion». 
llrat AlbtH Tl«9«n 



MASHIIDAl 
Albor* ?3«ain? I !»«▼«? h«ar<l of him» 



KUWCKt 
<Jh, no - of oo\ir3i» net - fifty doll^wra — that*o v«ry ^ood* 
But it w.%0 all hunl^-doray whan ha was vllling to pay. 



MASHILOAf 
(Oaaplrtf;) 
Mr, KllnlcOf ar« you lntoxloat<»dt «h«r«'a yoiir wlfof 
f'^ arts to «3cit) 



Oh# ro -— you don't sm j^^r ag'r&ln* 
f gnkjs }iold of hor fahould'jr) 



MATHIirJAi 
(Pulling ^twa cr) 
Oontt you touoh sas^ You rud« man. ^«aT9n Jojoba what you'v* 
don« with t^ toy.' % !lo«l.* 



H««9 rlfht around th« oo>m-9r« ^''i aililnc XfiWard r»u*k 



JlASKrL*:5Ai 
Alt}«rt H'iusor*? %Ty, I knew hlai «b « fjiJ*!* 



I Should HSff «o-— -sixty dollars, Tu^i^dv* Ihur^das' and 
^attirday. 



23. 
MA£HIL')At 



Mr. KUnk».» 

343 Oheatnut 5tr3«t. 

rH>i»din" hdr h«r ha.t> 
flV don't you got 



(Ait«\in4td» Wot toowlng whloh way to tur o) 
(At that g»n>iwt ^BSPg «Bt^8 from library) 



MASHILOAt 
(R«llovod) 
Shank h«AY«ns, Boraoont*' 



B«aa.' Hh, h%' How w«»ll hw^ it out. 

(go B Jan ) 
You icnow who this iat 



(LQoklWfT at M<ffiHILM_jai9LJJI-^aSJjin g <>" ^ ^^ ^^»^^ 
Hsr«B*t th9 slightest i<l«a« 



the/-, ntr d9ar Al'^srt, lt»«... 
^ Whi sper 8 in hjg oatr) 



AUIBRIl 
(Tarrlfiad) 
IiapoMi^la*' 

KTJHKSl 
la ai^thine itr,)©-!.^!^!*? Sh«r« ah0 »tnn<ls. 



84. 



(ghrowa his ariaa around Haclhildai and klaa»» h«r) 



( yUh a ory ) 



If you don'v lika n^ - f;lT9 sdward Rsussr 4 llwtla surpristi 



AI3SR2? 
MaMni? a fuss liko thl»*' 



JOIHJCSt 
As If 9h9*d n9V«»r V)«n kl'S'sad* 



H.AlL*»IIDAj 
Your wlf«.* 



KUWJui 
Oh, no, you don't.* 



CRuahiayy out aoroh door^ R« firs t) 
Oodfrfly shall h««r of this — that* 3 all — th«t»s *!!• 



AtBXRSt 
5o »s your trlfo know who ah« lat 

Oh, MBBM wam swo«t snoxish to "brine: h«r hor^i. 



35. 



And I w*a !^ing xo ?I«w York to atop h»r*? 



Hello, avsryons* J^ tr^n lemv-a? In twwty adaut#«i 



JOinKE St XVBWSt 
Hello.* 



X w«it to ^e out of to^?3 whw th« storn "breaks. And in two 
days t.hsr^*3 a stg-janor for "p^jni. 

So. 



1*V0 written a oonfeaslon, taking th« whole blsirae. And the 
ohild ia d5J4d« 



la Itt He's veiy auoh alive* 

AI3SR2I 
And his zaother hm ocne* 

She tichtnlns Bias? 

Yes, the Liffhtnin??; ^m, "^he's Just flown out of tho room. 



Th^n the truth will oorae out einyw^iy. ^'' should J go to 
Braall? 



But, Arrt,ho?v 



20. 

Shd hovfi - the -JOn her« - thtit old ddril h^a you in th« pain 
of her hand. ^h*' 11 mik<9 you double th's skllowano« - 
and th9n th'sr'a'll ^e nothing left for as* 



But 5i9d«ra<c^«r. ♦ 



21 BDWaf 3^t 
Wo. Wo B^aall, ^av«r, I'rathrouf^h with tha whole 

'bu9ln«)3S. You o'tt) all look fo:-' stnoth-sr father. 
(an^L enters 0« followed V Of^a^sy BDRWH.W) 



Baok ac^ln — ths lead penny. 
•ho^e he aot with him? 



Exou^e ne, g«jtlpn-'?n, forrujshlnf' in on you llJc© thia, T^'it I 
luuRt fipafij; to Mr^ Kllnke. 



What do you warn, wluh ^iS? 

(Oomin g down with It ^SL) 

We "Sin Into eaoh other at th'd driif^ fitore.'. I wsint \o know 
whrt you raeaa "by treatlnr: thl's ."ounj;: mv xn that fashion/ 
X desosind an explanatiojT'* 



!JoB»t get yourcalf exalted. Ihat buj$ln«'5^!3 nf yours? 
Sxouee loe* you don*t se«ia to know who I arn* 
Vo, I don't. And what Is this young: 'O'^n to yout 



27. 

I'm hla father. 

(jqiNKE, ALBEHg and TIS?-i?feY2R dOU)al< up with laughf y) 

JvLIWCEt 
You.' 



^111 smother.* 



The quart at la a quint «tt«. 

Mo Braall for «»• 

Shat ar« you tallclnc ifcou>-, e;«nil*ira«at 



C(?r t8i>inr; hi 3 h;«7d wstriiitoO 
% disj^ friend.' Ara ;^ou In ihia, toot 



that do you a^amT 



(Polntlnf? to No<il) 

Hla nothor. Sontt woriy^ I'jn In it, too« — forty. 



sixty. 
S«v«nty. 



0'9n'i;laTa<»n, are yoxx X'xlkinr. ^ou% nf wtf «T 
{ AV^ gg ^d ?:UN]u> ahout with Ifitugh t er ) 



Your wlf»f Wlf«/ — Ha swtuttlly aisc*ri«d h«rf 



00 "^TO Jar J 

How dara you/ 



(ao9s&!a&3Lctiiy) 

Oh, It's 5%11 rlrht — itta *!! rirht. K^ra fr ?e.» — fre^a,* 
You should wor'ry/ 

f^t^r aHMA in % h^d99m dra^a. g»»» Ood fr^y and go a a 
tov&rds hint) 



Ah, !V d^aa* Mr, Buryrhaja. YiJU»v« H»9t air hus^%adT 



W« h'i,v«. And I vraa B«T«r ao liokl«l to s^^ ivny on9 in js^ Uff» 



M«f too* 

I'va just phoned to a few of Oora's fritmda, tailing Lh^m th* 



Juat a laoBMnt* As to th« futur* of ay son. 
Aa I ijn his father**.* 



29 1 

V« hftY9 sojMthlnc to »aBr about thwt 

(003»3 down with IliPll^afBR and At3Ii?gE ) 



You? Wl-iat buain^is ? ..... 



Yaa -— th» aa^orlty* Wow what atootit this younc m'inT 



15 ^dA: 
(ATigrlly) 
WlTy, dearie, h«*3 rolnp "^.o :ti;n,rr'j o^xr Oora. 



&taa, e«t 4 dootor ~ ohiU ;* dootor** I'm 3uf raring a n^rvoua 
b*«akdown •— nj^^ aind la rivlnj^ awjcr. 



(go Sfsria ) 
On« aoiaenl., ir yoA thliJk that I oould oons'ait to this.. 



Or I. 



Or w«.* 



KLI'«CKt 
I'hwi all of us -are of th^ a^a-? nilnd» 



Why I phoned to Corals frle?)ds. A little r«o«i?tlon, !•▼« 
invltad All of th^ ladles of th^ Purity i^9e^9, 

nraaaaa iMTiad latola'^O Ood fray) 



EA5!HIL'5A: 
Oh, Godfrey -— wJ^,^ 'v -aren't you nX th« dru(* store T 



30. 
I nwt Ko^l and w« wflBt down to c^ th9 'bac — her«— •• 



Kllnke/— she oe»a« ruahln/" to n» firantlo. T.udwlfr, wJ^r h^vj 
you "been so r«d«t tod has Alb*!?! loat hts oonsea? Insulting 
this ItkOyf 



(Iau5?hln g) 
Thla l»dy - oirhta^ thousand - a.vA you don't l<now who this 
laOy IB? 



I've known her from ohlldhood. I studied law for a tlni with 
her father, 

Htr father.' 



Ohief 7\istio« of tli© Suyrisifl'S Court, • tTudgQ peoWma. 



Jud^a Pei^haun? And ah?*5 not,,... 



And I klT>s9d h«r.' 



ludwi,'::, whaA do you swan V ^^9h rud«n sssf H«r aon Is ongaigM 
to our Cora, I fixed It hH, and )mpt, it o^s « little ^«or«ta 



•hat? A fj«or9t? Thw how ahOMlrt I dr^am that -— ?faturallc'# 
I didn«t imd(jr3t'4n ; what out d-^^sir .iViend h9r«, was tstl);inc 
about. You, with yotiT »90r«ta.* Itt9 your fault, '2r:na. 
All your faullr* 



31. 
BMKAl 

But, , Ludwic 



Wow BSntsa, I don»t liks to aoold you Ijafora ooapany - but 
i«ttlnr: n» :id3urjd«pst«tt?d ^uoh h 1oy«V li^^» Hov? you oould 
lM«p a 8«or«t frosa a» - a husband Ilk© »», whiA tails his 
wlf 9 everythlQg. 



W«ll, p-srha >9 It w»» « ^It foolish, 1in\, z^^^E* 



mow as 
It»!9 Whit !•▼« alwigrii 's^d, <w5 what !•▼« alwjya praotlsad^ 
and whtt I hop«d :'ou«d l«am from m-i — a hua'baknd and wlfo nwjt 
nev-ir keep j. -^»50r9t f.''0:D atitah jih^r* 



JIOtSLt 
( iho h'jq «9xlt»d dnrlTTg; foyta^r Btt<^n9, yg-wt^ra U with HO'^ ^ 

Afc laat. My. H«i3«r/ 
Vhiit do you wa»t nowt 
Ihl3 is nt' Jjon . 



( ^-addanly very TJOllt« ) 

Your aon? J*r d^ar youas friend.* But vhttfc did you a»an >5^ 

oaLlliK? ra*? father? 



Vixy, J*r^ liwsar, I wanted to nwirry your daufTht«r Ros«rf 

Kumzt 

H09<N* 



32. 



Vox, Oora? 






But you wirsd us th^*...« 



It ifr*3 Ji raintake.^ I ra«t U\m Ho3<5 first. 



And I piion^d th3 soolaty ?>dl1»or - and ir?vlt«d all th« ladi'^o 
of tha purity l9a{^»# 



But I 3 .wit you wothar t'^l-icr-ca -- I -- I -- to "b^ sur'S I 
wouldn»\- £orr,9X it, t put it In th« rim of nf }^%» 



(Gomina; d own ryith hla hat ) 

And h^ro it ts, daar heairt — -still In th& rira of yowr hat» 



And n» - •aimounclrjc Cora's ^mr.ne'^^'^ - f*il her fricinds 
«v»n phoned th'4» pv^'^Ti^n* 



You - with your a^jorat from your huabaad^ fhor© is sih«t 



Mi -9911)^ all d5y. 

(OORA ruah^s in »od thrOTfi h*»r»«lf at h«r laother's f«9t) 



OORA: 
Oh, maioat, oh maa^ - just *s I oax« up th« str»9t Mr. Klnc» 
•ditor of th<s Ohroniol«» oont^^tul%t9d zb«« 



89« 

Oh» Ooi*&» It w»8 a terrlbl* mlsta}c«f to (jlvo it to th« 
pap<9r« "befort I wai «ur« • 

OOHAi 
But mskra*, how in the world did you "avosr n'sar of afc' •ulopem'sntt 

Elopam9nt«* 



81op'3Tadnt .? 

(LAW RgSOB I'UOilS ?. egt^r ai 0»» 8tr<f&oh»a out hia anas and 
ru3h38 to Kllnko) 



y^th^r/ 



What aP9 w« fTOinf? to do noir? *?uoh a jnat? - «irht affairs in 



KLINKiit 
Aaoh» I o*n»t >;«li«v^ th^*r© «?ythlng iBt>r« thi*n lo<s oream sodas 

Sa^, i3nmr*> .^h^'s ilro'ici^'- ntirriid. 



OORAt 
Here's th's ring. 

JSMAl 
But tudwifj, ar« :^ou sflitlsfidd? 



tell, say, wh«n th« h03«s« is out of tha atabla what i» th* 
U3S of loolcin(^ ths doort 



asMAf 

But ous* f senile^ 



34. 

fell, isnH It m exorai'^nx %,hivr fo" your rkjaHj,'' to h«v« a 
oleviir* iH'vy^i* irj it -- — 
(glth H lot of mo an In;; ) 
why ?*ny on 9 of you aifrht got sued. 



i?8h/ 



Qul^t^ 



K«h.» - ;/o>u - 



HDVARD: 



-ALBJiTi' » 



KLINK&j 



SUOK.liR: 
( fl'QQd ni>tuif^dly ) 
But I wouldn't pr^^a ^ oaaa against » jn^aljor of Oif owl? fiwalli'. 



(Rillev^d) 
Eraraa, this younr m«i has ay/ "blefjslrjp;. I'm cIskI to ae? hlra 

In the f:-i!tllli'. 



AU3SR3: J 
Ma, too* 



•XI3D5S^^KR: 
And I — iaof3t of all. 



(YiilllnfJ 
fall, what oan I 33^' -- 

(Put 'v 1 nr: h»r nirn wtround th*? two girla) 
YouATjd 1^^9 — two oou.^ins in on^ dsjy -- you'll all li'*Vc 1-0 
axay to H >Atf f mile/ dlnn-sr. 



Anl I'm coin«r to 0'3l'^>>r»t^ th-^ hH>)py w«y th«* day h*ia tu^n'Jd 
out "by raiJcinff '* llttl i r.ltX. to oh%"lty. People »lwsjjjr« do It 
at W'jdcllnf;»« I'll rrlt^J i* chock for forty dolliir«« 



35a 



Put ffl« down for flfty-t 






(Puttinr hi A am a rou nfl. Ijaraa) 
ff-jll, d«i> ir mother, it's silrhty rood of you to invits ua all 
to dln'^<3r. But I have ^o datoh th« first tr lin Tor N«w 
York — on* of jq; "bast oli-sr^ta. died. 



But a dinnar 



MU«t ptt th'S-9 for th-J flllne? of ^h ; will. Wo«4er If wy 
of you flvs* h-sard of h^r, Sweaty -flT« ydars ix^o sh-t ••'%«» a 
wtsll known star. 01ar?*,>i«ill-j Vto'S^t - known *»« Xhe Lightninr: 
Aug. 



SDWARDt 






AotU'illy dead.' oh, you got to n%'»^' am oalNbrat* . 



H«re, - If you*r« rolnff to "^^w York — talc* nj/ tic:;?3t. 
But wo won«'t. lot you ro. 



39. 
Oh this la a "big 5«taty — I must hnnfila it. 



Xhit woitti?7 l9ft an estate -- rioh?? 



Rloh? A hundred and eifrhty thousand dollars. 



ALBiKS: 
CffrASPinr his for^hi ad) 
that? 



11 iOSMi2X"SR: 
Thit rauoh? 



io.isi)tne) 

Mora than I pot.' 



LAWRENOJSt 
Wall, ahe's Tjeen lioo^imulat inc» ^t** New York -ittorneys wired 
ni«, thdit in looking over h«r i) Ap^rs they found that for tha 
laat twanty-five .v«ars ah^? h-*s "begnrec eivltig fourt':s3n 
8«oar>*te allowanc-33 3sioh laonvh. 



yourt J snT Wh»t 7 



EDWAR!): 
fourteen exoeT)tion3? 



Ihat many fools.* 



And sh^ wilisit all — every penny — a hundr^Jd and eiriity 
thousand doll*r3 --to New York Orphan Aaylujm. 



37 



(It? despai r) 
All that (Tood raon-rj - to a ^noh of »trv'«ig» orphana. 



E-JWARO: 
Ihit "blood-non'jy - to 30jQe\>ody»3 'als« ohildr^nt 



TUCfZERs 
All- every penny - to poor inotharl-:si9 ohild.r*>n - t^onus's 
poor wom-v), that was thd graat sorrow of har life - sh« horsf^lf, 

ah -3 nav'sr had '* child, 

fS^yAR") graarjs aiPLiagay-aR. Ig.INKb; and AXJ^SRl flaa» a& 
^aoh oth^r. y>i2^^ %nd ?iO'?£ sinJ-: Into »aoh oyer's urm s. 
(lO ^.VRiar ftfid ?i^niL!)A ?^ttf>!xn c: o yer ^hera* J«^U0>'^^3^ and OO RA 
o l-iap aaoh oth-3r wUh~^^^~^A ^Tesainfr i«h^) 



C U B S A I N 



I b ^p'30 



